Honor Among Thieves (Cancelled)
by TotoMAK
Summary: When a skilled team of thieves pulls a string of heists in the city of Vale, two detectives are assigned to the case. In the midst of trying to reveal the thieves, however, their paths may cross in ways they never expected. RWBY AU
1. Chapter One: The Excelsior Diamond

Chapter One: The Excelsior Diamond

It was another typical night in the beautiful city of Vale. Citizens were scurrying about on their way home after a long day of work, coming home to their families. The shattered moon was shining over the busy streets that wound throughout the city. There was a fluorescent hue being cast on the street below by a neon sign jutting out from a building that read, "Family Jewels." The store was a very popular jewelry store in the city of Vale. Customers were greeted with the tagline that accompanied the neon sign: "We smash the competition!"

Sitting in the center of the showroom floor in a glass case was the crown jewel of the store: The Excelsior Diamond. The beautiful mineral was by far the most valuable piece in the store's possession. If it were for sale, the diamond was so expensive that only the richest residents of Vale could afford it. However, the diamond drew a large crowd to the store and was, in a sense, a mild tourist attraction.

The night guard was patrolling the store just like he did last night, and the night before that, and the night before that. However, a string of robberies around Vale had everyone on edge. Nonetheless, "Family Jewels" still had a reputation for being a very secure facility, so the manager of the store had decided to hire on an additional hand.

It was Geoff's first night on the job and he was patrolling the perimeter of the store with his new partner, the seasoned veteran, Greg. The store was clean and well-kept, as expected. The floors were glistening under the moonlight that pierced the windows. Each foot step would echo through the empty halls and glass cases on display.

Geoff was bored of this night already. Nothing interesting was happening. He almost hoped that somebody would try something, just so he could have something to do. Turning to Greg, he muttered, "Do you ever wonder why we're here?"

Greg sighed. His shift just started and Geoff was already pulling this shit. "What kind of question is that? It's our _job_ to keep this place safe. But if you're bored, it's probably because we're doing our job right."

"Okay, but is it always this creepy?" Geoff whined, glancing around at the old walls filled old oil paintings of the very first owners of the store. "I really don't want to hang out with these freaking paintings all the time"

"Yeah, it's pretty much like this every night," Greg stopped in front of a large glass case in the center of the room, with a single ray of moonlight shining down on it. "But hey, I know you want to see some action. With all these robberies happening lately, maybe you'll get lucky!"

Geoff rolled his eyes. "I'm not saying that I want anyone to rob the place, but it _would_ spice things up around here."

The two faced away from the glass case and towards the front entrance. "Yeah well, that won't happen. This place has the best security system in all of Remnant," Greg stated with a matter-of-fact tone. "Not just anyone can successfully rob this store."

"What's that?" Geoff said as he mimicked the action of cleaning his ears. "I can't hear you over the sound of my own boredom."

Greg rolled his eyes at his partner's remarks.

Geoff felt a tickling sensation in his nostril. He tried to hold the sneeze back, but it forced it's way out of his head at the speed of a bullet train.

Greg didn't say a word. However, he heard an unexpected female voice from behind him say, "Bless you."

Subconsciously, Geoff replied, "Thank you!"

Realizing that such an occurrence was unnatural, Geoff whirled around, expecting to see someone standing behind them. However, there was no one behind them; only the large jewel-filled case.

"Who-who said that?" Geoff asked, his voice cracking slightly.

Nobody answered.

"Dude, did you hear that?" Geoff asked.

Greg shook his head. "Nope."

"Are you sure?" Geoff pointed behind him where the voice had originated. "I could swear I heard a voice!"

Greg had heard the voice perfectly well. It sent shivers down his spine. But he had to admit that it was pretty entertaining to mess with Geoff/. "Are you sure you heard a voice?"

"Yeah, man!" Geoff was visibly nervous. "I swear on my Great Aunt Gertrude's grave!"

Greg shrugged. "I didn't hear anything..."

* * *

On the roof, three black masses were crouching over a hole that was carefully cut in the glass skylight. A voice spoke in a low, harsh whisper as a black form climbed out of the hole.

"Tex, what took you so long?" The demanding voice wanted answers. She was wearing a snow leopard mask that covered her face entirely. The mask complimented her snow white hair.

"Nothing really Iceland," Tex shrugged. "I just like to play with my food." Tex was sporting a kitten mask. She received this prize from her best friend, Arizona.

"Well? How many were there?" A different, hopeful voice asked.

Tex smiled. "Just two, Arizona. They shouldn't be a problem."

Arizona sighed happily. "Looks like this one will be quick."

Arizona was wearing a lion mask, it's mane matching her flowing golden hair. She brought along a bag specifically for this mission.

"Aww, come on! You know how much I like to drag out our secret missions!" A cheerful voice whined.

Arizona sighed and rolled her eyes. "I know you do, Carolina, but some of us are tired and want to go home." Carolina learned too much from Arizona. Of course, her sister had always loved to seek out adventures.

"Okay fine, but when we get home, I get to eat some more cookies and you can't stop me!" Carolina couldn't help but smile, even though it wasn't visible under her tiger mask.

The four stood on the rooftop, all wearing matching black outfits with their respective masks. The black outfits hug their bodies tightly and showed off their curves. This was their big mission for the night. They were stealing yet another diamond on their jewelry heist. They were being extra careful tonight. They were well aware of the increasing security as a result of their robberies. Nonetheless, they were here to do a job.

* * *

"Man, this is driving me crazy!" Geoff said. His nerves were beginning to get to him. "I _KNOW_ I heard someone! You sure you weren't just messing with me?"

Greg rolled his eyes. "Did you see a ghost or something? You know, Alice did say something about seeing a mouse the other day."

"It could have been a ghost! This place is old!" Geoff exclaimed.

"Well then tell management in the morning!" Greg was just about done with Geoff's crap.

"I will!" Geoff shouted. "I'll tell Alice to call an exterminator or a priest or something!"

Greg just sighed. He'd had it with tonight. "Whatever makes you happy."

"So man, have you _ever _had anything interesting happening during the night shift" Geoff asked.

Geoff received no response.

"Oh come on, not the silent treatment!" Geoff turned to face where his partner would have been, and found nothing but empty space.

"G-Greg? Where did you go?" Geoff began to panic.

"Why hello there." A sly voice came from the shadows. The figure stepped into the moonlight and revealed herself to Geoff.

Geoff shrieked loudly. "Are you a ghost?"

She tilted her head and asked, "Would a ghost…" She pointed to her mask, "Wear a kitten mask?"

"No," Geoff was beginning to shake. "But that means you're a demon!"

"I…" Tex smirked, her voice dropped ominously. "Guess you're right."

Geoff shrieked tried to run away in terror, but another shadowy figure dropped down from the ceiling in a flurry of rose petals.

"And where do you think you're going?" Carolina wanted to make this quick, as Arizona hoped.

"Dammit, Carolina! I told you I liked to play with my food!" Tex was beginning to get angry, she didn't like being interrupted.

"Tex, we agreed that this would be a quick mission! You can do this any other time!" Truth be told, Carolina just wanted her cookies as fast as possible.

Iceland stepped in the middle of the two, her face turning into a scowl, "WOULD YOU TWO SHUT UP?! WE ARE HERE ON A JOB!" Iceland always claimed herself being the 'voice of reason.' Some go about it a different way than others.

As the three were fighting, Arizona took the liberty of knocking out Geoff. She proceeded to take the keys. "There, security gone. Can we take the diamond now?"

Tex was steaming, "Arizona! You know finishing them off is my favorite part!"

Arizona gave Tex an apologetic look, "Sorry, kitten." They all walked over to the jewelry case that was shimmering under the shattered moon. All four were staring at the gorgeous sight before them.

Carolina's eyes twinkled. "It's soooooo beautiful! I feel kind of bad stealing it." She placed her gloved hands over the case, rubbing their prize.

Iceland smirked. "Yeah, well who else will?"

Tex glared at Iceland. "Not the point." She glanced over at the case. "Who will do the honors this time?"

Carolina raised her hand and jumped up and down frantically. "OH! OH! ME! ME! ME!"

Arizona raised her eyebrows. "Anyone else? Anyone a little less clumsy?"

Carolina looked like she took offense to that, but just shrugged her shoulders in understanding.

"I'll do it." Iceland said with finality.

Arizona tossed Iceland the keys and the black bag. Iceland shoved the key in the lock, and inside, was the team's finest steal yet. From the case, she retrieved a beautiful, shimmering, high-end diamond. It glistened in the moonlight, refracting bright streaks of light across the walls of the jewelry store. Iceland gently picked up the diamond. It was smooth to the touch.

Iceland held up the jewel above her head and sang, "Naaaaa.. sipinahhh mababichi baba..." The notes echoed through the vacant store.

"Dammit, Iceland! What is with you and The Lion King?!" Arizona was just about done with everyone.

Iceland gave her a glare. "You know how much I love the cute and cuddly Simba!" But she complied and placed the diamond in the special bag the team brings for missions just like these.

"I still wanna hold on to it…" Carolina muttered.

Arizona glanced at Carolina. "There's a reason you're not. Do you remember what happened last time?"

"That was one time!" Carolina retaliated.

"That diamond was worth THOUSANDS...no...MILLIONS of lien!" Iceland shouted. "IT CAN NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN!"

Carolina could only sigh in defeat. "Okay fine…"

Arizona looked back at the hole that Tex had cut into the glass on the roof. "C'mon guys, we got what we came for. Let's get out of here."

* * *

They woke up in their apartment after a long night. It was a luxurious abode, adorned with elaborate paintings and beautiful furniture. Carolina was the first one up. She silently crept out of her room and into Iceland's room. She pressed her lips around the chrome of her cherished whistle and blew.

*FWEEEEEEEEEEE!*

"RUBY, STOP DOING THAT!" Iceland scolded, stumbling out of her room. She never liked that whistle.

Ruby grinned. "Oh come on, Weiss. We both know you would never get up if I didn't have my beloved whistle handy." Ruby began to cuddle her whistle.

"Maybe you should ask the others if they share the same feelings!" The Ice Queen yelled.

Tex appeared in the doorway of her room and stared at the two.

"She's right, Ruby. Sometimes, we just need to sleep in." Tex replied.

"Aww, Blake! Not you too!" Ruby peered into Arizona's bedroom. "What about you Yang? Should I really stop?"

"Ten more minutes…" Yang muttered into her pillow.

* * *

**MAK: This is going to be epic... "NANANANANNANANA BATMAN!" Level of epicness.**

**Toto: Derp. That is all. But really though, keep reading. This story WILL PIERCE THE HEAVENS! BANZAI! **


	2. Chapter Two: Morning After

Chapter Two: Morning After

Detective Wesley McCoy was facedown in his pillow when he heard his scroll ringing on his night table. The combination of the sun peeking through his apartment window and his scroll was enough to wake a hibernating Ursa. The groggy twenty-three year old clumsily fumbled for his scroll and held it to his ear.

"Hello?" He yawned. His words were muffled slightly by his pillow.

"It's me again. Another jewelry store was robbed last night." A female voice sighed on the other end of the line.

Wesley yawned again as he rolled onto his back. "What?"

The female was growing impatient. "Wesley, wake your ass up."

"Geez, Tess," He sleepily spoke. "I'm up, I'm up. What's going on?"

"Another jewel store downtown was hit." Tess revealed.

He pulled himself out of bed and stretched. "Is it connected to the others?"

"I haven't seen the place yet," Tess stated. "But I'm willing to bet it is."

"Okay, I'll meet you at the office," He said. "See you in a few."

"Seeya soon." She said before hanging up.

Wesley tapped his scroll and tossed it back onto the side table before running his hands through his short brown hair. He wandered out of his bedroom and looked around the apartment. There was a sea of empty coffee cups littering his counter tops and the furniture was covered with paperwork.

"What a mess…" He muttered to himself. His apartment was decent, but he'd been neglecting cleaning up after himself as a result of some late nights at the station. He made a mental note to clean up before rising from his bed and heading toward the bathroom to freshen up.

After a quick shower, he threw on his blue and white plaid shirt before rolling up the sleeves. He slipped on a pair of plain black jeans that might have been a tad too tight and buttoned up his shirt just below the neck. He grabbed his Vale City Police Department badge and slipped it over his neck.

Wesley grabbed his scroll from the table and stuffed it in his pocket. He took one more glance around the apartment. He had a strange feeling that he'd almost forgotten something. He felt around his waist and realized what he was missing.

"Damn…" His voice began to trail off as he walked over to his desk in the corner of the apartment. He picked up his belt and holster from the table and fastened it around his waist. He pulled the pistol from it's holster and examined the magazine, checking his ammunition.

Satisfied, he shoved the magazine back into the pistol and re-holstered his weapon. With that, he turned tail and headed out the door.

* * *

Wesley walked into the Vale Police Department. It was a fairly new building, with a bigger parking lot and working air conditioning. It was a step up from the decrepit building that previously occupied the space.

He climbed out of his car and walked through the doors of the building. Wesley walked through the marble covered halls of the department and strolled into the bullpen. He saw a purple clad woman standing in front of his desk with her arms crossed.

"Morning, Tess." He set his coffee down on his desk. His partner raised her eyebrow when she saw him.

"Nice to see you..." She muttered. Tess was twenty-four. She wore a purple blouse that cut off at her elbows, she adorned the blouse with black skinny jeans and simple black one-inch heel ankle boots. Her Vale Police badge was dangling in a silver chain around her neck, which complimented her long flowing straight brown hair and blue eyes. Her gun was attached to her holster that was firmly around her thigh. She is the same age as Wesley, as they are very close. "You sure took your time. Which was it, jerking off to porn mags or slept in late?"

Wesley put his hands behind his head casually. "Psh, who uses magazines anymore? It's all on the web now."

Tess leaned into his ear. "Have you tried DustTube?" She quietly whispered.

Wesley rolled his eyes and groaned. "See, this is what I get for playing along. I give you an inch and you take a mile."

"Woah there, space cowboy," She replied. "Don't flatter yourself. You don't have an inch to give in the first place."

"Hah, a small penis joke," He sat down at his desk and leaned back in the chair. "Reaaaal classy."

"Don't sit down," She said. "We're leaving."

He sighed. "The jewelry store, right?"

She nodded. "Yep. The Captain wants us there to investigate. If it's similar to the previous robberies, then this ball falls in our court. We can't mess this up."

"Don't remind me," He stood up and grabbed his coffee. "Who's driving?"

Tess smirked. "I am. Your car's an outdated bucket of bolts."

"Hey, that car's a classics!" He snappily replied. "You've gotta respect the classics."

"The only good thing about that 'classic' car," Tess put air quotes around classic, "Is that it brings out the hazel in your eyes."

"Aww, was that a compliment?" He asked. "I think Hell must have frozen over."

She firmly planted her fist in his shoulder and smirked. "You wish."

* * *

Police tape wrapped around the exterior of the jewelry store. Investigators and reporters with cameras were taking pictures of the scene. As Wesley and Tess walked in, they heard idle chatter.

"You thinking the White Fang?" An officer asked.

His partner replied, "I'm thinking we don't get paid enough."

The two rolled their eyes as they entered the "Family Jewels" jewelry store. Once inside, they saw the burly captain of the station talking with an officer in a blue uniform. When he caught sight Tess and Wesley, he waved them on over. "McCoy, Eira, over here."

"Morning, Captain Stanley," Wesley greeted his superior. "What do we have?"

The hefty captain grunted. "Another jewelry store knocked off, that's what."

"Same as the others?" Tess casually asked.

Stanley nodded. "It sure looks that way. No forced entry, no fingerprints, nothing."

"What did they take?" Wesley asked as he examined the empty case.

"The Excelsior Diamond," Stanley replied. "It's the only thing that was taken."

"It's a shame. That diamond was gorgeous," Tess muttered as she stared at the empty case. "Not to mention incredibly expensive.

"What about witnesses?" Wesley asked.

"There were two guards on duty," The captain replied. "One of 'em didn't know what hit him and was found in a storage room, and I'm pretty sure the other pissed his pants before he was knocked out. They're both pretty shaken up, so I'm not sure you'll get much out of them."

"Sounds a lot like the other hits around town," Wesley said, turning to Tess. "Think they might be connected?"

She nodded. "It's a strong possibility. Whoever keeps robbing these stores is obviously skilled. Not just anyone can pull this off."

Wesley raised his eyebrows. "Do you think we're dealing with more than one perp?"

"Can't say," Tess shrugged. "But like I said, it's a possibility. It takes skill to pull off something of this magnitude and leave nothing behind."

"Ah, but they did leave something behind," Wesley pointed to all of the other cases in the store. "They left behind everything _but_ the diamond."

"That _is_ pretty strange," Tess admitted. "If they wanted to be cautious, they certainly succeeded."

Wesley sighed. "Well, it looks like we've hit a brick wall, yet again."

Tess placed her hands on her hips and exhaled upwards into her own face. Out of her peripheral vision, she noticed something strange on the ceiling.

"Hey," She pointed at the skylight. "I'm guessing that's not an aesthetic choice by the architect, is it?"

The captain and Wesley looked where she was pointing. There was a circular hole in the glass skylight on the roof.

"Well I'll be damned…" Stanley said, dumbfounded.

"Huh," Wesley grinned. "It looks like we know how the thief got in."

"Does the owner know about the hole in the ceiling?" Tess asked.

"I don't think so," Stanley shook his head before pointing at a red haired woman by the windows of the shop wearing various gold rings and necklaces. She looked like a walking jewelry case. "That's her over there. Maybe you could get some information out of her."

"Will do." Wesley said as he and Tess walked over to the red head.

"Good morning, ma'am," Tess said happily. "Detectives Eira and McCoy, VCPD. We're here to talk to you about the break-in."

The middle-aged woman huffed. "_Good morning? _I wouldn't exactly say that this is a 'good morning.'"

Tess gave her a sympathetic look. "Right…. Sorry about that."

"No, I'm sorry," The woman apologized. "Thank you for coming, detectives. I'm just a little flustered. It's not everyday that someone breaks into your store and steals one of your most precious assets. My name's Alice, by the way."

They shook hands in greeting. "So ma'am, are you aware of that?" Wesley pointed to the roof.

Alice glanced at the roof and a look of confusion crossed her face. "N-no, that's never been there before. Is that how they got in here?"

"We think so. Mind if I check it out?" Tess asked.

"Not at all," Alice shook her head. "There's a staircase in the maintenance closet that will take you to the roof."

"Thanks, Alice." Tess headed toward the roof, leaving Wesley to interview the store owner.

* * *

"So," Blake said to Yang. "What do you think they're looking for right now?"

Blake and Yang were both sitting at a busy outdoor cafe. Their table had an umbrella that blocked the sun's rays. Blake had a small cup of tea in front of her while Yang was sipping away at a caramel frappuccino. Both of them had a view of Family Jewels about a block down the street.

"Probably any clues they can find." Yang shrugged. Her aviator sunglasses reflected the bright sunlight. "But we don't have to worry about that. The Ice Queen is a perfectionist when it comes to those things."

Blake smirked. "Weiss is a damn good tactician, I'll give her that. Were it anybody else planning these things, we would have been caught by now. "

Yang leaned back in her chair. "Yeah, and Rubes knows her background information. I sure as hell don't want to investigate which diamond is the most expensive and the layout of the place."

Blake held her tea cup out in front of her, beckoning Yang to a toast. "Take what you can…"

Yang grinned as she obliged Blake's request. "... And give nothin' back!"

* * *

**Toto: the Pirates of the Caribbean reference was all MAK guys. My phone went down to 19% while working on this during school, so you're welcome xD**

**MAK: Writing this story with Toto has been incredibly fun. INSANELY FUN. Looking forward to writing the next chapter together!**


	3. Chapter Three: When The Trail Goes Cold

Chapter Three: When the Trail Goes Cold

Wesley and Tess were in her car reviewing the evidence they gathered from Family Jewels. It was not a lot to go on, but a clue is still a clue. It was the thieves' biggest slip up yet.

Wesley grinned. "At least we found something."

"Sadly, it might not be enough for our big break." Tess was focused on driving.

Wesley held up the plastic bag with the evidence to his face, inspecting it. "It's still progress."

Tess turned her head slightly to Wesley. "We're just lucky one of their hairs fell out."

"Let's just hope the lab can identify who it belongs to." Wesley was entranced by the single strand of brown hair with a tint of red. He never took his eyes off it.

"Well, whatever they find, it's gotta be the person who robbed the place. It was on the roof." Tess grinned. "There's no getting out of this one."

Wesley grinned. "Unless it didn't come from a human in the first place."

"Oh come on, you think it was an animal?" Tess looked dumbfounded.

"Hey, weirder things have happened," He replied. "Remember the time when we had to chase a monkey out of the pillars in the ceiling in that department store?"

Tess nodded her head in understanding. "True, you did get monkey crap all over you though. That was priceless." She began to laugh.

"They don't make water hot enough to scrub that out…" He trailed off.

Tess scrunched up her face at the memory. "You smelled like that for days!"

"Yeah, but that's besides the point," He said. "I'm not saying an animal did this, but there are about a million ways that hair could have ended up there. For all we know, the wind could have blown it up there."

Tess sighed. "Have a little hope will ya?"

"I'll have hope when we get a DNA match." He said.

* * *

"Hello~" Yang sang as she and Blake entered their penthouse.

Ruby and Weiss were sitting on a large white couch in the living room watching the news on their plasma television. The furniture was elaborately crafted and colorful paintings of mountains and forests adorned the walls. Weiss took pride in the fact that she'd decorated the majority of their penthouse apartment, and this showed as she would take a moment to tear her focus away from the TV to admire her handiwork. Ruby's head turned around at the sound of Yang's melody.

"Hey guys!" Ruby was over to the front door in a flash. "Were the police crawling all over the place?"

Blake smirked. "Yes, but we're pretty sure the police are nothing to worry about."

Weiss was still sitting on the couch, her head turned around to face the three. "I hope you two kept your distance. It's so cliché for the thief to return to the scene of the crime."

Yang laughed and took off her sunglasses. "Oh, Ice Queen, we were down the block at an outdoor café! We had a full view of the place."

Weiss looked genuinely confused. "Well that's a relief, and why does everyone keep calling me that?"

Blake shut the door and the three walked in sat on the couch next to Weiss. "How do you think you got your code name?" Ruby grinned.

Weiss stood up in a fury. "Hey! That was all Yang!"

Yang shrugged. "You gotta admit, 'Iceland' fits you pretty well."

Weiss gave Yang a weird look. "Wow thanks, Arizona." She mocked. "You and your puns.

I could never escape from 'Iceland' even if I wanted to!" Weiss sat back down.

Yang rubbuttled. "Lez be honest, I thought of all our names." Her voice dropped seductively into a whisper. "I'm the sacred code name maker."

Everyone groaned at Yang's attempt at a joke. Ruby's eyes widened. "Wait, then why am I Carolina?"

Blake patted Ruby on the back. "Because you always pull through." She smiled. "Even though you don't act badass and are sometimes childish, the code name fits you well."

Weiss waved them off. "Okay, then what was the reasoning behind Tex?"

Yang gave her a wide grin. "Black is kind of Blake's color in case you haven't noticed."

The Ice Queen tried to think of a counter-argument but failed. "What's the matter Weiss Cream?" Yang chuckled. "Blake got your tongue?"

Blake gave Yang a glare. "Those cat jokes are getting really old." Ruby and Weiss nodded in agreement.

Weiss' face scrunched up in confusion at the epiphany she just had. "Wait, then why are you Arizona? That makes no sense."

"Because Arizona is a pretty hot, or so I've heard..." Yang stated.

"Whatever." Weiss was done with this conversation.

Blake looked at Weiss hopefully. "Did you already send the jewel away?"

Weiss smirked, happy to talk about their successful heist. "It's long gone. The police will never find it now."

"How much for this one?" Yang asked.

Weiss put on the brightest smile she had in days. She leaned back in the couch. "2.7 million."

Everyone's eyes widened. "W-wait...like...LIEN? As in currency?!" Ruby practically shouted.

"What else would it be?" Weiss scoffed. "2.7 million chocolate chips?"

"That would be nice too…" Ruby muttered.

"Anyways, it won't be traced back to us?" Blake asked with uncertainty in her voice.

Weiss shook her head. "Nope. It's just like all the other times. Just because the Excelsior Diamond is our biggest hit does not make it any different from how things are done."

"WOOOOOO!" Yang cried out. She slapped Weiss' shoulder and grinned. "You and your rich people connections."

"Once the buyer gets the diamond, we will be 2.7 million lien richer." Weiss stated with a satisfied smirk.

Yang tilted her head to Blake. "That's a lot of tuna, kitten."

Blake licked her lips and stared into space at the thought.

Ruby gasped at the sudden realization. "NOW WE CAN ACTUALLY BUY 2.7 MILLION CHOCOLATE CHIPS!"

Weiss rolled her eyes. "Why are you all such dunces?"

* * *

The bullpen was crowded with people. Officers and detectives alike wandered around the desks that populated the floor. Tess and Wesley were alone in the staff room, ready for another late night.

Tess sighed. "How much longer for those results?"

"Jimmy said it would take a while. Those guys in forensics like to take their time," Wesley said as he took his seat at his desk in the bullpen. "We might as well get comfortable."

Tess got up off the computer desk and took a seat on the chair next to Wesley. "Another late night..." She muttered loud enough for Wesley to hear.

"Yeah, it seems like we have a lot of those lately," He replied. "And with those late nights, comes a mountain of paperwork."

"Don't remind me." She sighed. "You should probably get some coffee, you always crash horribly if you don't have any in your system."

Wesley nodded. "Yeah, okay mom." He mocked. "I actually have some right here…" He scanned his desk for his coffee cup, but found that his partner had already stolen it. "Aw god damn it, Tess!"

Tess stuck her tongue out teasingly before taking a sip of his coffee. "Why are you so gullible?"

He yawned, still recovering from the early morning wake-up call that he'd received courtesy of Tess. "I don't know, maybe I'm just a little too trusting with people."

Tess' eyebrows perked up. "And why is that?"

"People are inherently good. As a result, I trust everybody, you know?" He stated. "It's just the little devil inside them that I don't trust."

"When people are at their worst...it seems like they are a different person. It's kinda scary to think about." She stared at Wesley in his brown eyes. "Sometimes you think too highly of people you know that?"

"Can't argue there," Wesley said as he snatched his coffee back from her hands. "As I recall, you had some trust issues with me when I joined the force."

"Well excuse me if a random guy just pops outta nowhere!" Tess flailed her arms. "But saving me really did help with our partnership..."

"True," Wesley shrugged. "And I did join around the time the department was doing some pretty shady stuff. You had a right to be suspicious."

Tess waved him off. "Nah, I just didn't like your face."

"Your words wound me. Truly, I'm wounded," He said unconvincingly. "I'm so glad I don't look like Jackson. The guy looks like he was caught in a grease fire."

"My god...Someone put it into words!" Tess yelled. "Jackson needs to lay off us." She added. "We get so much crap from everyone around here..."

Wesley grinned. "You know they're just threatened by us, right? A couple of young, charismatic detectives with a great attitude. We are the most powerful team after all." He grinned. "That's more that most of those old dust bags that work some of the other precincts."

"I guess. It's just better for everyone to get along." She abandoned that thought. "Considering your average looks..." She scanned his body. "When was the last time you got laid?"

"Jesus, Tess!" Wesley rolled his eyes. "That's a pretty personal question, don't you think?"

She smirked. "You should be used to it by now."

Wesley grinned. "I don't think my sex life has anything to do with this investigation."

"You don't have an answer, do you?" She was on the verge of laughter.

"Trust me, Tess, I've got better things to do with my time than chasing tail." He replied.

Tess leaned back in her chair. "What, like doing paperwork and reading books?"

"Hey, I like my books," He stated. "I could do without the paperwork though…"

She nodded. "Couldn't we all?"

The phone rang and Wesley quickly stood up to answer. "McCoy here, what's the news?"

"Wes, this is Jim," The voice on the other line said. "I've got the results from that hair strand you gave me."

"Great," Wesley nodded towards Tess. "What did you find?"

"Well, it turns out that the hair you found doesn't match up with anyone in the database." Jim replied. "In fact, it's not even a hair at all."

"What are you talking about?" Wesley asked. "What does that mean?"

Jim sighed on the other end of the line. "It's a synthetic. A costume. It probably came from a wig or something like that."

Wesley groaned. "So it's no good then?"

"Exactly," Jim said with an apologetic tone. "I'm sorry to be the bearer of bad news."

"Don't worry about it," Wesley assured. "Thanks for your help."

"No problem, Wes," Jim replied. "Take care out there."

Wesley hanged up the phone and turned to Tess. "It's a no-go. Synthetic hair."

She released a frustrated sigh and crossed her arms. "So we're back to where we started. Up shit creek without a paddle." She clenched her teeth.

* * *

"You think this looks like a good place?" Ruby asked, holding a ton of cookies.

Ruby, Blake, Weiss, and Yang were standing across the street from a large archaic looking bank. It looked at least a hundred years old and was built out of stone. Nonetheless, it was an impressive looking structure.

"Yeah, I think this is it." Yang cracked her knuckles.

"I still think it's a bit early to start casing a place this soon," Blake protested. "We should lay low for a few days and let the heat die down before we do anything."

Weiss nudged Blake in the shoulder. "And we will. We're just...planning ahead. There's nothing wrong with that."

Blake's shoulders seemed less tense now. "You're right. Let's go scope it out. Meet back here in ten minutes." The three nodded and headed off. They couldn't take long. The longer they were out there, the more they were in danger of raising suspicion.

The quartet made their way across the street and into the building. There were clusters of people everywhere. The tellers were sitting across the expansive lobby of the bank. RWBY took their positions in and around Vale Metropolitan Bank.

Yang and Weiss wandered around the lobby of the bank, making note of the bank's security cameras, sensors, anything that would make their jobs harder. Ruby walked around the perimeter of the bank, observing the windows and trying to figure out a way to get into the place. While they were scoping out the inside, Blake was trying to figure out a way to get on top of the roof in an easy fashion. If her three comrades couldn't find an easy way inside the building, Blake was always there to make sure they had a back-up entry. Even one that wasn't intended.

Blake had a bit of a problem getting on the roof undetected, especially in broad daylight. Her job was the most dangerous during the day. There wasn't a way to get on to the roof of the bank directly. Instead, she needed to climb the fire escape of the adjacent building and leap on to the roof of the bank from there.

She climbed the fire escape until the bank was just under her. Blake leapt to the roof and surveyed her surroundings. At first glance, the roof had nothing that would be of any help to them. However, once Blake got a good look at the other half of the roof, she found something very interesting: an old ventilation shaft. The grate on the shaft looked like it could easily be removed under the right circumstances.

Blake smirked. _Looks like this is going to be an interesting hit. _

* * *

RWBY wanted to wait until they were inside the safety of their home until they discussed further details about the heist. They couldn't have any wandering ears listening in on their plan. They were sitting around the white, rectangular, glass table in the middle of their living room.

Weiss' eyes were gnawing at the three. "Well...What did you find out?"

"The windopsh won't work." Ruby replied with a mouthful of cookies.

"Are you still working on that bag of cookies, Rubes?" Yang asked.

Ruby shook her head and wiped the crumbs from her mouth. "Nope, this is the _other_ bag."

"Ruby, you just had cookies not even ten minutes ago. You're not going to want dinner now," Weiss sighed. "Anyways, the windows are to be expected I guess." She glanced at Blake with hope in her eyes. "Did you find anything?"

Blake gave her a small smile. "Yeah, there's a ventilation shaft on the roof." She shook her head. "It won't be as easy as cutting through glass, but it will work." She said with certainty.

"Nice find," Weiss praised. "Now we have a way in."

"Our little kitten is such a ninja." Yang grinned.

"We are going to need to come up with a way to navigate the vents," Weiss stated. "Where could we get our hands on those?"

"I think I have someone in mind…" Ruby grinned.

* * *

**MAK: Damn, I love cliffhangers! Makes us both feel a little evil. WE KNOW SOMETHING YOU DON'T!**

**Toto: DUN DUN DUNNNNN A CLIFFHANGER! I wonder who Ruby has in mind? *maniacal laughter* we'll just have to see. You guys are in for one hell of a heist. BTW the main pairing will be revealed sooner or later! We recently decided on who gets with who ;)**


	4. Chapter Four: Shake N Bake

Chapter Four: Shake N Bake

Wesley was pinned behind his police car by a shower of bullets. He was struggling to catch up to his new partner, Tess. She was across the street, taking pot shots at their assailants with her pistol from behind the cover of a mailbox. The two got separated when a horde of White Fang members ambushed them. Wesley tried to make a move for the squad car's radio, but the incoming bullets made that impossible.

"Shit!" He shouted as he ducked back behind the car. They had no way to call for reinforcements, so they had to handle the situation here and now.

"Are you okay over there?!" Tess shouted across the street as she reloaded her weapon.

"I'M BEING SHOT AT!" He replied.

She grinned. "And you're so great at it!" Tess focused her aim and shot another assailant.

"You know we can't take all of these guys on, right?!" He shouted.

"I don't appreciate that kind of negativity!" She pulled the trigger in rapid succession, unleashing a small storm of bullets toward the members of the White Fang.

"Get back! She's a good shot!" A member yelled.

The assailants scattered over the streets and behind cover. The lackeys could not take on Wesley and Tess alone, so they informed a skilled echelon.

Wesley was amazed at her accuracy. "How do you keep hitting them like that?"

Tess kept shooting her rounds, attempting to hit the members in hiding. "It's like whack-a-mole, but with a gun!" She gave him a wide grin. "My semblance helps. Part of it involves enhancing my senses."

Wesley watched in awe as White Fang members dropped one by one. He squinted his eyes as he could barely perceive a black blob stalking behind Tess.

"TESS!"

* * *

Wesley jolted awake and quickly glanced around the room. He was in his kitchen. He'd been face down on the table with a bowl of cold soup sitting in front of him. He'd fallen asleep before he could even finish it.

"_That happened a long time ago…" _He thought to himself. Wesley rubbed his eyes and stood up from the table. He grabbed the bowl of soup and poured it down the garbage disposal. The moonlight was shining on his face through the window in front of the sink. His gaze wandered to the moonlit alley below. From behind the shadow of a trash can, a black cat dashed across the pavement.

His scroll interrupted his serene evening. He checked the caller ID, "What the...?"

He answered, "Yeah, Tess?"

"Hey," She quickly replied. "Are you awake?"

Wesley glanced at the clock on his wall: 2:45 am. "I am now. What's up?"

"I can't take my mind off the robberies," She replied. "I'm worried that they're going to strike again and we're gonna be left in the dust with nothing to go on."

"Tess, it's almost three in the morning," Wesley said. "How are you even still awake?"

She slightly laughed. "I'm a night owl, Wes. You should know that by now."

"Can't this wait until the sun comes up?" He asked groggily.

"But the next heist could happen any minute." She sighed, "Do you think the hair we found could have come from one of the masks that guard saw them wearing?"

"Probably," He yawned. "It was synthetic. It makes sense that the hair came from a wig or a mask."

"They must be into all kinds of kinky stuff…" She muttered. "Do you have any ideas when they might make another hit?"

"I'm not sure," He said. "They're probably lay low for a few weeks. Hell, if they were smart, they'd leave the city while they have us scrambling for evidence."

"True, that reminds me, we should have a name for these guys." She grinned. "We have been trying to catch them for a while now after all."

"Hasn't the paper already come up with one?" He asked. "They're 'The Dusty Bandits,' right?"

"Eh, I like 'Shake 'N Bake' a bit better." She said. "Hey! It could be our codename for the case!"

"What?" He asked. "You want to name the case after your poor cats?"

"Hey! Shake and Bake are good names for my wittle kitty witties." She cooed.

"Fine," He sighed. "You can call the case whatever you want."

"Thanks _mom_." She teased.

"Hey listen," Wesley scratched the back of his head. "I uh...I had a dream about you tonight."

"Oh god, Wes," She said. "Did I have my clothes on?"

"Yes! Jeez…" He took a deep breath, "The dream was about when you were kidnapped."

She sighed. "Well everything is okay now…. Thanks to you." She smiled, "I still owe ya for saving me."

Wesley laughed nervously. "Yeah, they would have brought you back anyway. You and your bad puns would drive anyone nuts."

"I would take offense to that, but it's true." She laughed.

"Hah, even you know it." He smiled and glanced at the clock again, "I'm going back to bed now. I'll see you tomorrow at the station."

"Nighty night."

"G'night, Tess." He said before hanging up the scroll.

* * *

Weiss locked the door behind her. Weiss and Ruby were leaving their penthouse to go secretly pick up who Ruby had in mind. They were the only person the four could accept. The three just hoped Ruby's hours of persuading was correct and worth it. They had started down the hall toward the elevator when suddenly, two people stepped off the elevator. Weiss instantly recognized them as their neighbors, Jaune and Pyrrha.

"Hello there Weiss and Ruby!" Pyrrah smiled. "Jaune and I have not seen you two for a couple of days. How are things?"

"Things are going well Pyrrah." Weiss almost smiled.

Ruby chimed in, "HOW ARE YOU TWO LOVE BIRDS?!"

Jaune and Pyrrha began to blush. "W-what are you talking about?" Jaune sheepishly asked.

"We-we're not together…" Pyrrha said in a seemingly disappointed tone. Pyrrha scanned their penthouse. "That reminds me, I have been wondering, how do you make a living? Your apartment looks incredible!"

"It's courtesy of the Schnee Dust Company." Weiss said haughtily.

Ruby laughed nervously. "Weiss has a _lot_ of money."

"So I see!" Pyrrha smiled.

"Well it certainly looks nice. We should all hang out some time." Jaune offered.

"Yeah, definitely!" Ruby replied.

"We should be going, Ruby! We have a schedule to keep!" Weiss nervously laughed before she grabbed Ruby's hand. "Talk to you guys later!"

The two walked into the elevator and didn't say a word until it closed. "Why were you acting so sketchy?" Ruby asked.

"We both know the only reason we have that penthouse is because of our heists." Weiss huffed. "Just try to keep money off the radar."

"Yeah, okay," Ruby replied. "Good idea. We don't want anyone to get suspicious."

Weiss nodded. "Right. Nobody knows and we need to keep it that way."

Ruby giggled. "'Oh, we're just three twenty-one year old girls and one nineteen year old. We're TOTALLY not pulling off the greatest heisting spree of the century. Nothing to see over here!'"

"You are such a dunce." Weiss couldn't help but smile, "I hope you are right about this person..."

* * *

Weiss and Ruby walked down a dark and dirty alley. Even in broad daylight, the buildings around them created shadows so intimidating that even Blake would think twice before entering.

"Ruby, are you sure this contact of yours is...trustworthy?" Weiss asked nervously.

Ruby nodded enthusiastically. "Of course! He can be a bit...shady sometimes, but he's always come through!"

"I just hope he has the correct resources…" Weiss commented.

A shady figure appeared in the distance and a young man's voice spoke. "Hello, ladies! How are you on this lovely afternoon?"

"We're fine, thanks," Weiss replied. A cool breeze blew through the alley and the scent of rotting trash came over them like a wave, causing Weiss to grimace in disgust. "Did you have to choose this alley in particular? This place is disgusting."

"Yeah Sun! Weiss is always picky about cliches." Ruby commented, "This is something you would see straight out of a bad guy movie when they make a sketchy exchange!" Ruby flailed her arms.

"Hey, it's the only place that was available on such short notice!" Sun Wukong stepped into the light. "All the other alleys were booked today!"

"Just making sure, you got the blueprints right?" Ruby asked.

"What? do you think i'm an idiot?" His husky voice replied.

"Cut the crap, Sun." Weiss put her hands on her hips.

Sun put his hands up in surrender, "Fine jeez." He turned to Ruby, "Is she always like this?"

Ruby shrugged, "You get used to it."

"Hey!" Weiss yelled.

Sun pulled out the blueprints, "So are we exchanging this or not?"

Weiss grabbed the blueprints and scanned them, "It seems legitimate enough." She raised an eyebrow, "How do you get this information anyways?"

Sun smirked, "That is confidential, Ice Queen."

Weiss frowned, "Why does everyone keep calling me that?"

"Alright! We got what we came here for! Let's get going, thanks a bunch Sun!" Ruby yelled.

"Anything for you ladies," He winked.

Ruby grabbed Weiss' hand. "Oh no please not agai-" Weiss almost pleaded.

Ruby sped off with Weiss in tow, courtesy of her semblance and left a flurry of rose petals in her wake.

* * *

Ruby, Weiss, Blake, and Yang were looking over the blueprints for the vents carefully.

"I don't see why this would be inaccurate." Yang commented as she was scanning the pages.

Blake's ears perked up, "It seems efficient."

"I guess we could use this…" Weiss mumbled, "But I feel like something is...off."

"Sun has helped us before, and we never messed it up." Ruby exclaimed, "Why doubt him now?"

"I just can't get rid of this gut feeling in my stomach." Weiss revealed. "I don't think I want to crawl through the vents."

"But, it's the only way inside!" Ruby said.

Weiss rolled her eyes. "But I'm sure we could come up with a better plan if we…"

Yang suddenly grabbed Weiss by the shoulders. "Weiss, You are gonna crawl through those vents AND YOU'RE GONNA LIKE IT!"

Weiss pouted. "Alright, fine! I'll do it!"

"So when do we leave?" Blake asked.

Yang smiled as she released Weiss, "When the sun goes down, Tex." Yang was getting into character.

"Already?" Blake asked. "I thought the plan was to lay low for a couple of days!"

"That's just it." Weiss smirked, "The police would _expect _us to lay low."

"I think we are getting a little arrogant." Blake thought aloud.

Yang put her arm around Blake, "It's okay, Kitten. If something goes wrong just blame Weiss!"

"Hey!" Weiss yelped.

"Still...It would be smart to wait a few days." Blake said with uncertainty.

"As long as we're together, team RWBY will never go down!" Ruby cheered.

Blake half-smiled at Ruby's cheerfulness. "I guess that's fine...But in the future we should be more careful."

"And we will, this will just be unexpected for the police. It might be the smart move." Weiss crossed her arms.

Yang perked up, "That reminds me, the paper named us! What was it again Rubes?"

Ruby frantically searched her brain for an answer, "Uh….'The Dusty Bandits.'" She dropped her head.

Weiss scowled, "THAT….we pull off the greatest heist spree of the century and they come up...with THAT?"

Yang shrugged, "Eh, it's better than 'Greedy Thieves' or something like that."

Weiss yelled, "THAT'S BESIDES THE POIN-"

Ruby interrupted Weiss, "Iceland! I want my cookies!"

Weiss sighed, "Do you need them now Ruby?"

Ruby patted her stomach, "Yes pwease," she pouted.

Weiss couldn't resist Ruby's pout, "I'll go get them then. Just be careful later," She turned to face Blake, "You can play tonight if you want."

Blake's face scrunched up in confusion, "Why is Weiss in charge of Ruby's cookies?"

"Weiss can't stand Ruby's munching all day." Yang grinned, "So she hides them from her."

Ruby pouted, "It's not THAT bad…"

Blake and Yang shared a look, Yang grinned, "Good one Rubes."

The both of them bursted into laughter.

"What's so funny?!" Ruby asked, almost offended. "I'm not a little kid, I can have my cookies when I want them!"

"Obviously, you can't." Blake saw Weiss enter the living room with a small bag of cookies.

Ruby pouted, "Aw! This bag is so small!"

Weiss gave Ruby a glare, "Get used to it. If you keep eating cookies like you do, then you won't even be able to fit into the vents!"

Yang started to giggle at the thought of her little sister getting stuck inside of a ventilation shaft. However, she took a quick glance at the clock and realized that the time was coming nearer. "Alright guys, stop messing around. It's time to suit up…"

* * *

**MAK: Weiss is the Master of Cookies.**

**Toto: We had such a blast writing this chapter. A lot of unexpected difficulties appeared, BUT WE MADE IT THROUGH! MAK even came up with a new sub-plot! Get ready for the next chapter for more hilarity. BANZAI! Sorry for the delay, exams happened.**


	5. Chapter Five: Another Day, Another Heist

Chapter Five: Another Day, Another Heist

"What time is it?" Tess groaned.

Wesley and Tess were sitting at their desks in the office. It was already dark outside, and most of the other officers had left for the night hours ago. He checked his cheap metal watch for the time.

"Quarter of ten," Wes stared at the mound of paperwork on his desk. The two of them had arrested a Dust junkie earlier in the day who had assaulted two people, which resulted in mound of paperwork and witness statements. "Looks like another late night."

Tess grinned. "We can take a break if you want." She scanned the mounds of paperwork, "I know you have been dying to finish those porn mags."

"Oh, you know it," Wesley said absentmindedly. "Because I'm just one big sex fiend, aren't I?"

Tess was on the verge of laughter. "You….a sex fiend?" On a dime, her expression became more serious. She looked at his chocolatey hazel eyes. "Good one."

"Hey, you said it, not me," Wesley grinned before turning back to his paperwork. "So, onto more serious matters. What do you think of the thieves we're dealing with?"

She perked up at the mention of the thieves. "What? You mean the Shake N Bake case?"

He sighed. "Yeah, 'the Shake N Bake case.' What do you think their motives are?"

Tess searched her brain for answers, "I can't come up with any _good_ reasons…" She went silent for a few moments, "But it won't matter once they are behind bars."

"Eh, true," He replied. "They haven't left any significant clues and they hide their faces. How are we supposed to catch someone like that? Do we just wait until they slip up?"

Tess grinned. "That's exactly what we do. Even these guys will make a mistake and leave solid evidence behind. They did just drop a synthetic hair after all." She looked down at the paperwork, "It's only a matter of time before we get actual DNA or something…" She muttered.

"Yeah, let's just hope it's soon," Wesley sighed. "We need to catch these guys before they rob every pawn shop and jewelry store in Vale."

Tess had an epiphany. "What if…" She perked up, "They aren't ordinary thieves? What do you imagine they are like?"

Wesley shrugged. "If I had to guess, I'd say they're experienced. They're good at what they do."

"Well no shit. I meant, what do you think they look like?" She asked.

"A couple of middle aged guys that have been in the game for a while." He replied.

"That is a good possibility," Tess said. "But who says they're guys?"

He took a moment to ponder her proposal. "Yeah, good point."

She smiled. "I bet if anything, they're just really agile ladies."

"You think so?"

"Yeah, I mean that guard said that at least ONE of them was a female," Tess replied. "Who's to say they all aren't females?"

Wesley groaned and rested his head against his desk. "This would all be so much easier if we had ANYTHING to go on. We don't even know how many of them there are."

"No use worrying over it now." Tess looked at the door, "What do you say we get out of here? You look like you could use a break."

"Sure," He said, his cheek still flat against his desk. "What do you have in mind?"

Tess smirked. "A couple of drinks, what else?"

He glanced at his paperwork and then at Tess. "Yeah, I could go for that. Where?"

"C'mon," She stood up from her desk and stretched out her limbs. "I know a place…"

* * *

A black van pulled into the dark alley beside the bank. The side door opened and several shadowy figures poured out. They jumped onto the fire escape and ascended the side of the building before leaping across to the roof of the Vale Metropolitan Bank.

Once on the roof of the bank, the shadows all gathered around a single opening in the roof.

"This is it?" Weiss asked seemingly disappointed. "It's so..._dirty_."

The ventilation shaft on the roof of the bank was grimey and disgusting. Its metal finish was tarnished with rust. It was clear that birds had tried to use it as a nest at some point, evidenced by the streaks of white droppings painted along its opening.

"Did you really think a ventilation shaft would be clean, Iceland?" Blake asked.

"Cut the crap Tex," Weiss replied. "I didn't expect it to be like..._this_."

Ruby tried to lift Weiss' spirits. "Oh come on Iceland, it's not THAT bad…"

The three shared a look and Yang put her arm around Ruby's shoulder. "Good luck trying to convince her Carolina."

"Listen, Just take a deep breath, and plunge on in." Blake suggested.

"Okay, so two different directions like we planned?" Yang asked.

"Right," Ruby nodded. "You two head toward the vault while 'Miss Priss' and I head to the security room."

"Hey!" Weiss yelled.

"Got it," Blake replied before pulling her mask over her face. "We'll see you on the other side."

Yang winked at her sister before diving headfirst into the shaft, soon followed by Blake.

Ruby turned to Weiss and grinned sadistically. "You first, Princess."

Weiss stared blankly at Ruby. "I really hate you, sometimes."

"You know you love me! Now jump!" Ruby bounced up and down excitedly.

Weiss shook her head at Ruby's antics and took a deep breath before jumping into the vents.

As soon as Weiss had cleared the opening, Ruby dove in after her. The two of them had memorized their route to the security room on the way over to the bank, so they knew how to get there. Actually getting there, however, was a different story.

The pair crawled through the shafts, snaking their way through the ceiling of the bank. It was incredibly claustrophobic. Everything was pitch black and dusty inside the shafts. The pair wanted to reach their destination as soon as possible.

"There's a left turn up here, right?" Weiss asked.

"Yeah," Ruby crawled closely behind Weiss. "It should be this turn up here."

Weiss followed Ruby's instructions and turned left. "OOF!"

"What's wrong?" Ruby asked. "Is it a dead end?"

"No, it's just…" Weiss strained. "It's just a tight fit."

"Hehe," Ruby giggled. "That's what she said."

"Now's not the time!" Weiss yelled. "I-I can't move…" She mumbled.

Ruby tilted her head in confusion. "What'd you say?"

Weiss scowled. "I SAID I CAN'T MOVE YOU DUNCE!" She yelled.

Ruby started to laugh. "Do you mean you're stuck?"

"YES," Weiss said forcefully. "I'm. STUCK. Give me a push!"

Ruby pushed on Weiss' butt. "And you were worried about _me _not fitting through the vents?"

"NOT THERE YOU DOLT!" Weiss yelped.

"WHERE ELSE AM I SUPPOSED TO PUSH?" Ruby hissed, pressing even harder.

Weiss grunted, trying to worm her way through the duct. "IT'S NOT WORKING!"

"That's because you and your ridiculously big butt won't fit!" Ruby retaliated.

"It is NOT big!" Weiss cried out. "It's just...special..."

Ruby backed up slightly and pointed her shoulder toward Weiss' derriair. "You might wanna brace yourself!"

"Ruby, what are you doing?" Weiss yelped. "DON'T YOU DA-!"

"INCOMING!" Ruby rammed her shoulder straight into Weiss' backside, forcing her through the small opening.

Weiss slid down the diagonally sloped vent, which quickly led to a vertical drop off. She fell from the ceiling and landed on the small metal grate, which immediately gave way. She crashed to the floor with an "OOMPH!"

"Wheeeeeee!" Ruby's voice echoed through the metal vents as she slid through the shaft and landed on top of Weiss.

"Ruby...please get off me." Weiss politely asked.

"You didn't use my codename…" Ruby cooed.

Weiss sighed. "_Carolina, _would you please get off me?"

"Yeah, no problem," Ruby rolled off of Weiss and onto her back. "That was fun! We should do it again sometime!"

"No," Weiss sat up from the ground and brushed the grey dust off her shoulders. "Let's not do that ever again."

Ruby sat up next to Weiss and glanced around the security room. There were several computer monitors mounted on the wall in front of them, each displaying black and white footage being sent by the security cameras around the bank.

"We found it! I was gonna be so mad if we took a wrong turn." Ruby grinned.

"I guess Sun was right..." Weiss got to her feet and walked over to the monitors. "So where will the others be on these monitors?"

"Mmmmm," Ruby hummed before pointing at a monitor right in front of Weiss' face. "Right...there."

Weiss nodded and punched a few keys on the computer's keyboard. Soon, the monitors in the security office blinked off, indicating that the bank's security cameras had gone offline.

"We're in the clear." Weiss said, with satisfaction in her voice.

* * *

"How are you doing up there?" Blake asked Yang as the pair crawled through the ducts.

Yang groaned. "Ugh, it's hot in here."

Blake grinned. "Yeah, it's pretty hot in here. This must be what a TV dinner feels like in a microwave oven."

"It's not a pleasant feeling..." Yang sighed, "Is the turn up ahead?"

Blake nodded. "Yes, it's to your right."

Yang took a right. "Oka-" To her surprise, she began to slide down almost immediately. "AGH!" Yang fell onto the marbled floor below.

Blake's eyes widened,"Oh yeah," She scanned a copy of the blueprints. "We took a note saying it was a steep one!" She yelled down to Yang.

"THANKS FOR THE WARNING!" The blonde sarcastically yelled. She moved out of the way for Blake to enter.

Blake landed without a sound. "You ugh...have something on your mask."

"What? Me? Oh maybe it was because I FELL!" Yang replied.

"You didn't fall...you slid." Blake said knowingly.

Yang scoffed, "Are we really doing this right now?"

Blake shrugged. "Can it, Arizona."

Yang licked her lips. "I only said that because the kitten got feisty."

Blake rolled her eyes. "Stop messing around! We really should get the vault open."

"Meowww," Yang purred. "Kitten's got some claws."

Blake ignored Yang's antics and walked over to the vault.

The vault began flashing red lights and beeping echoed throughout the halls.

"Um, what have we here?" A puzzled Yang asked.

A robotic female voice sounded off through a small speaker next to the vault. "Please answer this riddle...'What gets wetter as it dries?'"

"Wha-?" Yang scratched her head. "But that doesn't make sense!

"Wait a minute…" Blake rubbed her chin. After a moment, she snapped her fingers in realization. "A towel!"

"Access Granted!" The voice replied. "Welcome, Mr. Pewderschmidt!" The vault began to open.

Yang was so confused. "And how did you know that?"

Blake smirked. "I read it in a book of riddles when I was younger. Whoever made that the password doesn't sound too smart."

"My little ninja kitten is the best under pressure." Yang grinned. The blonde extended her fist, beckoning for a fist bump.

Blake rolled her eyes and returned the gesture.

"THERE YOU TWO ARE!"

Blake and Yang turned around to see Weiss tearing a path towards them. Ruby soon followed, looking giddy as ever.

"Hey!" Yang exclaimed. "Feisty ol' Tex here just opened this vault with her kitty senses."

"What? There was a question? There was nothing like that on the blueprints!" Weiss shouted.

"KEEP IT DOWN, ICELAND!" Ruby exclaimed. "DO YOU WANT THE WHOLE CITY TO KNOW WE'RE ROBBING A BANK?"

"They'll know when we suddenly have 2.7 million chocolate chips..." Yang muttered.

"Weren't we joking about that?" Blake asked.

Weiss yelled, "OF COURSE WE WERE!"

Ruby pouted. "I wasn't…" She mumbled.

Weiss turned her head towards the prize, "Can we just focus on the vault?" She asked, ignoring Ruby's antics.

"Yeah, yeah," Yang sauntered through the open vault door. There were stacks of what seemed like endless cash. Green filled the room which fulfilled RWBY's hopes and dreams.

Ruby's eyes were twinkling, "W-wow!" She was in awe.

Weiss stared at the vault in satisfaction, "Relax, Dunce, this is nothing compared to 2.7 million, but it's still a lot to take in." She looked at Yang, "You got the bags?"

"Yeah," Yang nodded. "Let's get the loot and clear on out of here."

Blake seemed oddly distressed, ears flat on her head.

"Tex, what's wrong?" Ruby asked.

Blake's head dropped towards the ground, "I don't get to play with my food…" She muttered.

Weiss put her hand on Blake's back, "There's always next time." She reassured.

The team walked into the vault and Ruby stared with wide eyes at the mounds of cash. "How are we gonna get all of this out of here?"

"I'll tell you what we do." Yang smirked, "We grab it and haul ass."

"I like that plan," Blake agreed.

Sounds of munching were echoing throughout the vault.

"Carolina! THE COOKIES CAN WAIT UNTIL AFTER THE HEIST!" Weiss yelled. "Wait, how did you even get those?! I had it in my bag!" The Ice Queen was dumbfounded.

"Iceland, what's 'Boy's Love: Yaoi Edition?,'" Ruby grinned.

Weiss blushed immensely, "YOU DIDN'T."

"I went there, took some pictures and came back." Ruby snapped her fingers sassily.

Blake chimed in, "Oh no she did-n't."

"Oh yes she di-id," Yang replied.

"WOULD YOU GUYS CUT IT OUT?! Weiss yelled. "CAROLINA, GO WAIT IN THE VAN!" That was like putting Ruby in time-out.

"Fine," Ruby huffed. She crossed her arms and mumbled angrily as she left the vault room.

"Looks like Weiss Cream is getting a little salty." Yang teased.

"Stop screwing around!" Weiss scowled, "This cash isn't going to pack itself."

Yang put her arms up in surrender, "Alright, alright." The remaining team began packing the money into the large black bags.

"This could take a while…" Blake muttered.

Yang turned around to face Weiss, "But really…. Yaoi?"

"SHUT UP!" Weiss retaliated, trying to focus on the task at hand.

Yang shrugged, "Eh, it's not as bad as what the Kitten reads."

Blake was surprised, "YOU TOLD ME YOU WOULDN'T TELL ANYONE!"

Yang grabbed several more mounds of cash, "I just hinted at what you read, I didn't tell." She said knowingly.

Blake scoffed, "Are we really doing this right now?"

Yang shrugged, "Can it, Tex." She grinned at the familiarity of their conversation.

"You two are quite something." Weiss stated as she was almost done packing the money.

The blonde beamed a smile, "That's only because Tex is feisty!" She leaned over Blake's bag, "Well, that looks organized." The money was in a stack properly in the bag. Yang was impressed at Blake's handiwork.

Blake looked over at Yang's bag, "Did you just toss the money in or something?!"

"Yeah!" She replied. "It's all going to the same place, isn't it?"

Blake's forehead hit her palm with a slap. "Even in the world of crime, you're just as unorganized as ever."

Weiss pinched the bridge of her nose, "Are you two done yet? I am getting real tired of your shit."

"Fine," Yang huffed. She stuffed the last bit of cash into the duffle bag. "We're all packed up."

Blake was unimpressed at the action, "Really?"

"What? It all looks like that anyways." Yang peeked into her bag, cash was completely crumpled and stuffed to the brim.

Weiss was almost out the back door, "WOULD YOU TWO HURRY UP?!"

"We're coming!" Blake shouted.

"Hehe," Yang giggled. "That's what she said."

"NOW'S NOT THE TIME!" Blake scolded.

"You're no fun…" Yang replied.

The two followed Weiss out the back door with their bags in hand. They were greeted by a sketchy van and what looked like a child on the inside. Ruby stuck her head out the window.

Weiss was starting to ponder their decision on choosing a van, "Did we really have to pick a van?" Weiss asked. "It's so… cliche."

"It was either that or a bus." Blake replied.

Yang grinned, "I guess it does kind of look like we are here to take children. Carolina being in there doesn't help."

While they were having their conversation, Ruby continued to make pouting faces.

"What's wrong, Ruby?" Yang asked.

"What do you think?" Ruby replied, "Weiss took my cookies and sent me to the van!"

"Holy crap…" Blake muttered to Weiss, "It really does seem like a child is in the van."

Weiss couldn't help but nod in a response.

Yang grinned, "Oh Carolina, you'll get your cookies back soon. Plus, you were the crucial look out for the cops! That's an important job!" She announced.

Ruby tilted her head at the realization, "Yeah! I guess I was! Now can we get going?" She asked, "It's getting kinda stuffy in here."

"Of course, we have been here long enough." Yang replied.

The three began loading the bags filled with money into the trunk.

Yang couldn't help but question Weiss once again, "But really? _Yaoi?_"

* * *

**MAK: Hard to believe we're already 5 chapters in! Here's to quite a few more!**

**Toto: wow that was a lot of fun writing! We got stuck multiple times but it worked out pretty well!**


	6. Chapter Six: The Sacred Carrot

Chapter Six: The Sacred Carrot

"You think the new tactic will work?" Tess asked Wesley after sipping her second wine.

"I dunno," Wesley replied as he took his lips off of his third bottle of beer. "Maybe. I'm not sure."

"You're such a Negative Nancy…." She scanned his drunk face with a glazed over glare, "Or in this case a Wanker Wes."

His head swung loosely in her direction. "Don't forget *hic* it was your idea to come here."

"Yeah," She surveyed their surroundings, "This place is nice though!" Tess yelled, holding up her glass of wine, spilling some on the counter.

"AW LOOK...you made a messs." He slurred

Tess set the glass down on the counter, "AND DON'T YOU FORGET IT!" She winked. "Oh nooooo, it's everywhere!" She viciously started scrubbing the counter top with her sleeve.

"That's what SHE SAID." Wesley cackled drunkenly.

"Now… Now you're the one making pervy jokes?!" She yelled drunkenly, "THAT'S MY JOB!" She whined.

"I guess you're rubbing off on me!" He grinned. The other patrons in the bar were beginning to take notice to their drunkenness.

The bartender interrupted the two, "Sir, Maam, I'm afraid I'm gonna have to ask you to leave."

"Whaaaaat?" Wesley asked.

"Sir, I'm afraid I'm gonna have to ask YOU to suck his dick." She pointed at Wesley.

"YEAH!" Wesley merrily replied. "SUCK MY DICK."

Tess began to make obscene gestures with her hands, "SUCK IT!"

The bartender did not look amused as he called for security with his walkie talkie.

"Hey Wes, what do you think that ancient thing is?" Tess asked as she was staring at the spectacle.

"Lets figure it out!" Wes jumped over the bar and grabbed the bartender's walkie talkie from his hand, "IS THIS THING ON?!" He yelled as he pressed the button.

"WESSSSSSSS," Tess slurred, "IS IT ALIVE?! CAN IT LAY EGGS?!"

"IT'S MOVING!" Wesley screeched as he juggled it in his hands, and threw the walkie talkie against the wall. "KILL IT, KILL IT!"

"KILL IT WITH FIRE!" Tess frantically searched for a flamethrower.

"ALL RIGHT YOU TWO, GET OUT OF HERE!" The yell stopped the two in their tracks.

"WESSSSSS," Tess hissed, "THE BIG MEANIES WANT US GONE!"

"Oh thank God you're here!" Wes faced the three guards, "DO ANY OF YOU HAVE MATCHES?!"

The three security guards ignored his question and two of them grabbed Wes. "Oh great, Tess! They found the body!"

The other guard grabbed Tess, "I THOUGHT WE BURIED IT PRETTY WELL!" She yelled as she tried to squirm out of his grasp.

As the two kept bickering, the guards promptly threw them out of the bar.

"Eh screw you!" Wesley shouted at the guards as he dusted himself off.

"Pshhhh," Tess flailed her arm, "You coulda taken 'em!"

Wesley was dizzy as he tried to find his balance. He brought his hand to his head to dull the ache in his brain. "Whoa, I've been drunk, but I haven't felt like _this _before."

"Hah!" Tess cackled. "That means it's working!"

"What's working?" Wesley said while trying not to laugh. "What did you do, Tess?"

She giggled as she pulled out a small bag of suspicious looking Dust. "Snagged it from the evidence locker!" She exclaimed proudly.

Wesley tried to maintain the seriousness in his voice, but ultimately failed as he began to giggle alongside her. "You are like, the worst cop EVER. We might lose our jobs for something like this."

"HAHA come on, we're the best team they have! Relaxxxxxxxx." She slurred.

"That doesn't mean that…" Wesley began. He doubled over and started to moan. "Oh god.."

Tess watched as Wesley vomited on the sidewalk. The bile on the concrete was bright and multicolored from the Dust that she'd slipped him. "Oh man, I hope you can make it to that bookstore tomorrow!"

"Yeah, it's your fault if I don't." He sucked fresh air into his lungs.

Tess leaned over to observe the bile up close. "Really? Your obsession with carrots is getting out of hand."

Wesley waved her off as he got himself in order. "Oh come on, I only had a *hic* few!"

Tess grimaced, "More like an entire field..."

"Ugh, can we just go home? I'm way too buzzzzzed to drive." Wesley slurred.

"Hehe, buzzzzzz," Tess tried to do a bumblebee impression and flapped her arms around. "But yeah, I can't drive either, so I guess we have to catch a ride." Tess said as she hailed for a cab.

* * *

The following morning, RWBY was enjoying their handiwork from last night's heist.

"MONEY SHOWER!" Ruby shouted as she tossed handfuls the paper notes into the air. "LOOK AT ALL OF IT!"

"RUBY! STOP! WE CAN'T LOSE A SINGLE CENT!" Weiss chided as the piles of money showered down on the four.

Ruby ignored Weiss' remarks and continued to toss the cash above her head.

Yang looked at Blake and shrugged before jumping on the floor and joining her sister.

"MONEY ANGELS!" Yang yelled, spreading her arms and legs out in the manner that one would if they were making an angel in the snow.

Blake couldn't help but smile at the sisterly duo's antics. She gathered mounds of money, forming them in spheres on top of each other, "Anyone have a carrot? The snowman will be complete soon."

"A SNOWMAN MADE OF MONEY?! More like a... MONEYman." Yang nudged Blake, proud of her pun.

"I'm so tired of your antics." Weiss added, scowling at the bumblebee pair.

"C'mon," Yang teased, rubbing the crisp bills in Weiss' face. "You of all people should appreciate snow- erm, I mean MONEY ANGELS."

Seeing Weiss' expression never changed, Ruby tackled her to the floor, throwing money in her face. "YOU KNOW YOU LIKE IT!"

A smile crept across the Ice Queen's face as the three of them frolicked in the stolen cash. "You...you guys are SO immature!"

"You know you love us." the Kitten purred.

Despite Weiss calling them immature, she grabbed some cash and helped Blake complete her money-man.

Ruby stared in awe at the almost complete money-man, "How is the money sticking together like that?"

"Yeah, I didn't see you two using tape or glue." Yang was astonished by their product.

"Probably spit, grit, and a whole lotta duct tape." Ruby chimed in.

"Mostly spit." Blake corrected.

Weiss looked down at her hands, noticing a grime sensation, "EW! YOU SPIT ON THE MONEY?!"

"How else were we supposed to make this fine specimen?!" Blake asked.

"THAT'S EASILY FIFTY THOUSAND LIEN COVERED IN SALIVA!" Weiss shrieked.

Blake shrugged, "Too late now."

"Aw, calm down, Weiss," Ruby chided. "I'm not sure if you noticed, but it's not like we're exactly hurting for money."

"Ruby," Weiss raised an eyebrow. "You can NEVER have too much money."

"All that aside…" Yang put her arm around Blake's shoulder, "Our main money-man is just three balls on top of each other."

"I'll head into town and pick up a carrot," Blake volunteered. "I'm going to pick up a new book at the store, so it's on the way."

"Okay! What should we name him?" Ruby asked.

"OOH!" Weiss raised her hand. "How about Alfred Pennyworth!"

The Blonde cringed, "Weiss… Not everyone is a fan of batman."

Blake visibly shuddered at the mention of bats, "WHY?!"

"Aw come on guys! It's a cute name!" Ruby tried to be convincing.

"It seems the vote is decided." Weiss crossed her arms with finality, "Alfred Pennyworth it is!"

"You didn't even consider Blake and I!" Yang shouted.

"You two don't count. You lack souls." The Ice Queen smirked.

Blake scowled, "Guess I'm going to get a carrot for Pennyworth."

"Aw Blake not you too!" Yang slumped in defeat.

* * *

"Jaune-Jaune! What're you watching?" Nora asked.

The blonde-haired young man sat on the couch, eating a bowl of cereal while wearing a baby blue bunny onesie and watching TV. "Eh, it's just the news."

A woman named Lisa Lavender appeared on the screen, "In other news, The Dusty Bandits have struck again. Evidence suggests that…"

Pyrrha stepped into the living room, running a brush through her hair. "Aren't those the same guys that broke into that jewelry store the other day?"

"It seems so," Jaune replied before yawning.

"THOSE GUYS ARE SO COOL!" Nora chirped, "They can pull off anything!"

Ren stepped out of the hallway and sat on the chair in the living room. "That does not justify their actions."

"Renny! I bet you could be a ninja just like them!" Nora exclaimed.

Ren grinned. "I doubt it, Nora."

The four began watching the television. Lisa continued her report, "Might consist of a stealthy group of young women…"

"Ok, ok," Nora corrected herself, "Forget Ren, ME AND PYRRHA!"

Pyrrha grinned. "I don't think I suit the job."

Jaune waved her off, "Come on Pear, you're stealthy!

"Why are we complimenting the bad guys?" Ren made a good point.

Jaune and Pyrrha tilted their heads to a certain orange-haired girl, "Nora." They replied in unison.

"What?" Nora innocently cooed. "They're cool!"

* * *

"Wes…. Wake up!" Tess yelled through the phone.

Wesley was lying face down on his couch. Half of his body was hanging off the makeshift bed. He jolted awake and spilled out onto the floor when he heard Tess' voice yelling at him over the scroll.

"Wha-? What?" He grabbed his scroll and spoke into the mouth piece. His head was pounding as he waited for a response.

"I knew you couldn't handle it…." She grinned.

Wesley climbed to his feet and sat back down on the couch. He rubbed his forehead with his hand. "Tell me, how long will this hangover last?"

"Oh… Probably just for today. Which reminds me, we have another hit to investigate." She laughed, "So get up! Rise and shine!"

"Ugh," He groaned. "You picked one hell of a night to get me drunk."

She muttered under her breath, "Such a lightweight…"

"You mean your head doesn't feel like someone's bashing it in with a hammer?" He asked.

"Kind of," she shrugged, "Then again I didn't drink the dust I slipped you."

"Goddammit, Tess," Wesley groaned. "I really hate you."

"You know you love me." She cooed, "Now hurry up to Vale Metropolitan Bank!"

Wesley sighed. "Fine, I'll meet you there, you fiend. But I have to pick up a book I reserved first."

She chuckled, "Seeya soon, Wanker Wes."

"Wait wha-" Tess hanged up the phone.

Wesley looked down and realized that he wasn't wearing any pants.

"Oh, god," He sighed. "Where are my pants?"

* * *

Blake dropped by a bookstore, it was on the way to the grocery store. She entered the bookstore to purchase her long awaited novel, _Ninjas of Love: Yaoi Edition._ She made fun of Weiss' tastes, but she wouldn't be caught dead reading with it by her teammates. She was more cunning than that.

She sauntered down the romance section with ease. The kitten has been here many times before, it was like her second home with such a humble atmosphere. Knowing the precise location of her desire, she reached out and grabbed the fairly new novel.

She scanned the cover with an intense stare. This gem was far greater in value than those heists. She stroked it gently, whispering, "My precious…."

"You okay?" A young man's voice reached her as her bow twitched.

That snapped her out of the trance, "Y-yes!" She rapidly shoved the book behind her back as she turned around and confronted the voice. "I'm fine!"

Blake liked what she saw, despite the man looking somewhat disheveled. The sleeves of his blue and white plaid button-up shirt were rolled up to his elbows.

"Do you come here often? I have never seen you here before…" Blake asked.

"Yeah, but never this early," He replied with a nervous laugh. "I got called into work early, so I figured I'd stop by on the way over there."

"I see," She looked behind the man, who seemed to be holding something behind his back. "Which book are you hoping to buy?"

"Uhhhhh," He stammered, bringing the book around to show her the cover, which had 'Dating For Dolts' emblazoned on the cover in shiny gold letters. "It's...just something stupid. A white elephant gift for a friend."

"Oh?" She smirked. "I'm sure it is."

He rubbed the back of his head anxiously. "What book did you want to buy?"

"Um, it's uh," She she tapped the book behind her back, "Nothing important..." She searched her mind for an excuse, "Sometimes I just like to browse."

"Care to browse me?" He quickly realized his mistake and rushed to correct himself. "Uh… I mean... WITH me...I didn't…. DO YOU WANNA LOOK AT SOME BOOKS WITH ME?"

She chuckled at his attempt of a pick-up line and loved his awkwardness. "Sure," she happily obliged.

"So, what kind of books do you like?" The man asked as they were browsing the selections.

Blake's face turned a slight shade of red. She knows full well the genres she prefers, "Mostly romance."

"Ah, like 'Fifty Shades of Black?'" He asked.

"N-NO!" Blake replied without a second thought, even though she indeed had read the book from cover to cover at least three times.

"Psh, it's fine if you like that stuff!" He reached for another book, "'Ninjas of Love'...ever read this?"

"Actually…" She decided to show the man and took the book from behind her back, "I do."

"'Ninjas of Love: _Yaoi Edition'?_" He read the title out loud. "Not gonna lie, I have no idea what that means."

Blake got flustered, "J-just search it on dustnet! There's no way I'm telling you." She smiled.

"Oh," He smiled. "I guess I'll have to do that after work! Speaking of which," he checked the clock on the wall and sighed. "I should get going. I'm already late." He bent over the shelf to return the current book he was browsing and a carrot fell out of his pocket.

Blake looked at the specimen, to say she was confused is an understatement. "Why do you have a carrot in your pocket?"

"Oh, shit…" He muttered under his breath. "That must have been from last night. I have no idea what it's doing there."

"Mind if I have it?" She asked, "My friends made a rip-off snowman and we need a carrot for the nose."

A wave of confusion swept over his face. "A _snowman?_"

"Rip-off snowman." She corrected, "They were bored." Blake made sure not to mention the snowman was made of about several thousand lien.

"Okay, here," He handed the carrot to Blake. "I hope your friends approve. Now I really have to go, sorry." The man turned to leave with his book in his grasp.

"Wait," She grabbed his arm, "What's your name?"

"Wesley," He replied. "Wesley McCoy. What's yours?"

"Blake Belladonna," She replied simply. "It's nice to meet you, Wesley. You should tell me how much your 'friend' likes his gift."

Wesley's eyes widened, taking the hint. He took out his scroll and the two exchanged numbers.

"I'll uh, talk to you later," Wesley said as he walked backwards toward the exit. He slammed into the wall before pushing the door open.

* * *

Wesley saw a blob of purple in the distance at the investigation site. "Hey Tess!" He ran up to her, "What does _yaoi _mean?"

Her mouth gaped with her eyes wide, "Where did you hear that?"

He searched for an excuse, "Uh… Online." Wes didn't want to tell Tess about Blake just yet.

"Jeez Wes! Were you on dusttube again?!" She questioned.

"Why would it be on dusttube?" He asked.

Tess was on the verge of laughter, "Oh you poor soul! Such a young, innocent little Wes…" She trailed off.

"Tell me!" He was curious.

"No way!" She put a hand on his shoulder, "Look it up, Wanker Wes."

"Bu-"

"McCoy, Eira, GET YOUR BUTTS OVER HERE!" The captain yelled.

The two rushed over, "Good morning captain Stanley." Tess greeted.

"What happened here?" Wesley asked.

"We are thinking it was the Dusty Bandits again…" Stanley answered with disdain in his voice.

Tess remembered their new tactic, "What about the cameras? Did they get anything?"

"No," Stanley replied. "The little runts cut the feeds."

"Smart little devils…" Wesley muttered.

Tess put her hands on her hips, "I meant the hidden camera, the one separated from the system that was placed in the vault."

"What do you mean?" Wesley turned to his partner.

Tess leaned into his ear, "Are those drugs still in your system?" She whispered. "I told you last night that all the banks placed hidden cameras in the vaults as a precaution."

"You just mentioned a 'new tactic!'" He replied, "Why are we standing around here for?"

"Okay," she shrugged and looked at the two, "Let's go look at the footage!"

Stanley led the two into the vault. It was clear that the place had been cleaned out.

Tess pointed up in a dark corner of the vault. "There, SEE?" She realized how many times she saw hidden cameras in movies, "Man… That's so cliche."

Wesley had to squint, but he saw it. It was cleverly placed and would be nearly impossible to see if one wasn't looking for it. "Well I'll be damned. We might finally have a lead!"

Tess walked through the emptied vault and hit the 're-run' button on the camera. Wesley, Tess and Stanley huddled around the small monitor and eagerly watched the footage recorded by the camera.

* * *

**MAK: Toto told me to write something, so I did. ONLY KIDDING. This chapter was actually really fun to write!**

**Toto: Yaoi, "giggity giggity goo." So proud of Wanker Wes 3 Looks like the detectives and RWBY have their fates intertwined. IT'S GO TIME~ Wow MAK you smartass. "Yeah man, suck his dick!" "SUCK IT!"**


	7. Chapter Seven: Close Call

Chapter Seven: Close Call

Jaune heard several shouts from across the hallway. This was surprising to him, considering the walls are rather thick. JNPR rarely heard RWBY shouting, but they never confronted the issue before. Jaune was getting worried, "Why are those four yelling so much?"

"I have no idea," Pyrrha replied. "They're making quite the racket!"

Nora grinned. "It sounds like they're having FUN!"

"We should check to see if everything is okay," Ren suggested.

"You're probably right," Pyrrha agreed. "We should make sure they're not tearing each other apart."

*THUD*

JNPR's room shook, the quake caused the lamp to rattle. They stared at each other, "Yeah we should go right now." Jaune said as he walked over to the door.

Just as the team arrived at RWBY's front door, Blake walked around a corner. She was clearly holding a book with great care. "What are you guys do-" Before Blake could finish her question, she heard Weiss' yelling.

"RUBY LEAVE MY BOOK ALONE!" Weiss screeched.

"BUT MY COOKIES ARE IN THERE!"

Yang chimed in, "WEISS, THIS COULD BE SOLVED IF YOU STOPPED HIDING THEM IN YOUR YAOI COLLECTION!"

JNPR and Blake stared at each other. "Not this crap again…" Blake face palmed.

"What in the name of Remnant is going on in there?" Pyrrha asked.

Blake sighed. "They're arguing over something stupid, I'm sure."

Nora knocked on the door, "Guys?! Everything okay in there?!"

JNPR and Blake heard scrambling behind the door.

"Ruby! Hide Alfred Pennyworth!" Weiss said in a harsh whisper. No one can find out the team made a money-man out of thousands of lien.

"On it!" Ruby saluted Weiss as she gathered the mess of paper and tried to hide it behind the couch.

Yang looked at the Ice Queen,"Why couldn't you move Alfred?"

"I'M NOT TOUCHING THAT THING! PENNYWORTH IS COVERED IN SPIT!" Weiss concluded.

Blake wanted to distract JNPR long enough to have their money-man hidden. "So, how was your day?" She asked while clutching her book, making sure the cover wasn't seen.

"Just watched the news is all," Jaune said as he rubbed the back of his head.

"THE DUSTY BANDITS HAVE STRUCK AGAIN!" Nora chirped.

"Oh, really?" Blake coolly replied.

Ren nodded. "Apparently, they completely emptied the vault of the Vale Metropolitan Bank."

The kitten tried to keep a smirk off her face, "That's interesting, no one should need that much money."

Just then, Yang opened the door. "Hey guys!" She waved them in, "What brings you to our fine establishment?" She asked with a grin.

"Why were you guys freaking out in there?" Jaune asked.

"Oh!" Yang replied. "Weiss caught Ruby rummaging around in her porn collection."

"It's not porn!" Weiss yelled, "IT'S MATURE ROMANCE!"

While the two continued bickering, Blake observed everyone in the room and concluded no one had their eyes on her. She took the opportunity to hide her newest edition of _Ninjas of Love _under her bed.

Jaune jumped in, "Wait, we never really hear you guys yelling. So we just of assumed it was something serious."

"NOPE!" Yang quickly replied. "Weiss is just being her usual salty self! Nothing to see here, people, move aLONG!" The blonde nudged Ruby, proud of her pun. Ruby cringed in response.

"I. Am. NOT. SALTY!" Weiss replied.

"We're glad it was nothing. We'll get out of your hair now," Pyrrha said. "Try to keep it down from now on?"

"Yeah, sorry about that." Yang apologized on behalf of RWBY.

She waved as Jaune, Nora, Ren, and Pyrrha headed back to their apartment and closed their door.

Blake glared at the three, "You guys really should keep it down." She looked around and was thankful Alfred was out of sight, "Weiss, you have to mean it this time. No more heists for a while, that was a close one with JNPR."

"Fine," Weiss huffed. "We'll lay low for a while. Did you at least get the carrot for Mr. Pennyworth?"

"Yes," Blake smiled when she remembered how she got the carrot. She pulled the carrot out of her stocking.

Weiss gave her a weird look, "Why did you put it in your stocking?!"

"Keeping it in my bra is uncomfortable, and I have no pockets. I was not going to carry it either." Blake replied with good reasoning.

Ruby rushed over and grabbed the carrot. "It's… Warm…." Ruby shook off the sensation and ran to get Alfred to complete the money-man.

Yang noticed Blake was still smiling, "Blakey," Yang put her arm around her shoulder, "You seem cheerful."

"Yeah, did you find the book you were looking for?" Weiss asked.

"Uh, yeah," Blake replied. "I found it."

Weiss looked at Blake's hands, which were empty, "Then where is it?"

Yang did not want the Ice Queen to find out what kind of books Blake reads. She found a distraction that would make Weiss forget the question. "MONEY!" Yang loudly exclaimed as she took fistfulls of the bills and tossed them into the air and in Weiss' face.

Weiss tried to scrape the bills out of her eyes, "STOP THIS MADNESS XIAO LONG!"

Ruby carried Alfred to the middle of the group and set him down. "Notice anything different?" She asked with satisfaction in her voice.

"HE'S GOT A NOSE!" Yang cheered.

"Thanks to Blake!" Ruby said happily.

Weiss looked at Alfred with a frown, "He's still slimey…" The money-man clearly had droplets of spit sliding down the crisp bills. "We need to get rid of that thing."

"WHAT?! NO! Alfred is worth thousands!" Yang exclaimed. "We could just hide him and use him for emergency situations."

"What kind of situations?" Ruby asked.

"If we suddenly go low on money." Yang replied, "Or if we decide to lay-low for a while, like right now."

"Good point, just as long as I don't see him." Weiss responded.

"But I thought you liked him…" Ruby moped.

Weiss had another outburst, "THAT WAS BEFORE I TOUCHED ALFRED!"

"KEEP IT DOWN WEISS DO YOU WANT JNPR TO COME BACK OVER HERE?" Blake asked in a harsh whisper.

"I'll go hide him…" Ruby said as she picked up Alfred with care, just as a mother would. She stroked him lovingly, "It's okay, she'll come around…"

"Uh, Ruby?" Yang asked with concern, "Are you okay?"

"My precious…" She muttered, stroking the folded bills of the money-man as she carried him off.

Blake's eyes widened. She realized everyone has a certain precious. She has her books, Ruby has her money-man. Weiss had her 'mature romance,' now she wanted to know Yang's obsession. She turned to Yang, "How much do you love Ember Celica?"

Yang shrugged, "She's… Okay I guess."

Blake grabbed Yang's shoulders and began to shake her vigorously, "WHAT IS YOUR OBSESSION DAMMIT?!"

"Whoa whoa! Kitten grew come claws!" Yang chuckled. "I'm sure you will find out sooner or later."

"Wait… Why did we let Ruby hide Alfred?" Weiss asked.

"It just sort of happened, she was so proud of herself!" Yang exclaimed.

Weiss did not trust Ruby to hide the expensive money-man. She went to the back of the penthouse to find Ruby trying and failing, to stuff Alfred in Weiss' _Yaoi _collection. "RUBY ROSE!"

* * *

"Woah, so that guard wasn't joking when he said they had strange masks on!" Tess said as the three were huddled around the camera watching the grainy footage.

"Yeah, no kidding," Wesley agreed. He squinted his eyes, "It looks like they are bickering about something."

"But hot damn! They all have great hair!" Tess noticed the blonde in particular, "Her mask!" She pointed to the screen, "The hair strand might have came from it!"

"You might be right about that," Wesley nodded. "It looks like the right color, anyway."

"Not very many people have pure white hair…" Stanley added.

"Yeah," Tess replied, "If these four hang out together, it won't be hard to narrow them down. I mean come on, one has a flowing golden locks, the other snow white hair. The only hair styles that are common are the," Tess pointed to the screen, "Short haired one, and the black haired one."

"That one…" Wes pointed, "Is she a cat faunus?"

Tess leaned in and squinted at the small screen. "She could be…but then again, her cat ears could just be part of the mask. They all seem to be in character."

Wes noticed something, "No one else is wearing cat ears though."

Tess shrugged, "Maybe that's her fetish."

"Really?" Wesley raised an eyebrow. "Why do you say that?"

"They all wear masks that look like bondage and yaoi." She concluded, "Plus ears? Come on!"

"Dust…" Stanley muttered under his breath. "Do you think they get some sort of weird sexual thrill out of this?"

"Maybe, chicks are crazy these days." Tess replied.

"You too Captain?" Wes sighed. "For all we know, they're just masks! Not some kind of sexy escapade."

"He's right," Stanley said, "The masks cover their faces well."

"You two are no fun…" Tess pouted.

Wes moved on, "Okay at least we know that we are dealing with four women. All of which have clear distinctions." He squinted his eyes directed to the woman in a cat mask.

'_Where have I seen that hair before?' _Wesley thought to himself. '_It looks so familiar… Oh! What was her name again? B-Bingo? B-Banjo? No that's not right… B-Blake! No it can't be her, she was too nice. Speaking of which I should call her later.'_

"Wes, Wes! Snap out of it!" Tess waved her hands in front of his field of vision.

"HUH?" He was jolted out of his thoughts and forced back into the environment of the crime scene.

"Jeez," She sighed, "Get your head out of your ass."

"Sorry," He apologized. "I was just thinking about something."

Stanley jumped in, "Would you two like to have the footage?"

Tess nodded. "Yeah, we'll take a copy. It's the most evidence that we have on these guys."

"Okay, I'll make a copy later. For now, you two can go home." Stanley dismissed.

"Come on McCoy," She teased and grabbed his arm, "OFF TO THE BATMOBILE!"

* * *

Wesley and Tess pulled into her apartment complex. It was nicer than his. This part of town looked much friendlier that the shady block that Wesley lived on.

"Here we are!" Tess announced as she opened the door. Two cats ran up to her, one of them white and the other black. "HELLO YOU TWO FLUFFBALLS!" She cooed. Tess picked up the white one, "This is Shake!"

"Uh, hi there," Wesley rubbed the cat's ears. "It's...nice to meet you!"

The cat meowed at Wes' introduction, "So I'm guessing this one is Bake?"

"What a great detective!" Tess said in a sweet but condescending manner as she hugged Shake tightly. She set Shake down and stretched her arms, "It's been a long day. I'm going to go take a shower."

"We have one of the best pieces of evidence that we didn't have before...and you want to go and take a shower first?" Wesley asked in disbelief.

"Yeah," She nodded. "That's the plan."

"And you're just gonna leave me here with your cats?" He asked.

Tess grinned. "You're more than welcome to join me."

Wes' eyes went wide for a split second before the blood returned to his head. "Uh...what?"

She laughed and playfully rolled her eyes. "If only you could see your face! Just who the hell do you think I am? Some floozy you met in a bar?"

Wesley was as confused as ever. "Um...no?"

"HAH!" Tess cackled before walking into the hall. Wesley walked over to the couch and sat down. However, Tess' voice echoed from back down the hall. "Seriously though, come on in if you want!" She shut the bathroom door.

"What...the hell just happened?" Wes muttered. The black cat known as Bake jumped on his lap and began purring loudly. He stroked the cat's soft coat and it looked up and him. Its pupils were as large as dinner plates. He glanced at the ticking clock on the wall and checked the time - 3:30 PM - before pulling out his scroll.

'_Is it too early to call her?' _Wesley thought. He'd always heard that a guy she wait for a few days before calling a girl for the first time. He pulled the book he had purchased from his backpack and flipped it open to the first page.

_Dating Rule Number One: Don't play the waiting game. It's bullshit. If it were a game, that would imply there would be a winner. No one wins. Just call her. _

"Well that was easy." Wesley laughed slightly, startling Bake on his lap. The cat stretched across his legs and fell off as he put the book in his bag. Wes pulled out his phone and dialed Blake's number.

The phone rang a couple of times before a feminine voice answered, "Hello?"

"Uh...yeah hi, this is...that guy from the bookstore." He nervously replied.

Blake smiled, "You mean Wesley?"

"Yeah, that's me!" He replied. "I'm kinda surprised you remembered me."

"It's only been a few hours, of course I remember you!" She said. "Although, I have to admit, I'm sort of surprised you're calling me so soon. I thought there was a rule about waiting to call girls."

"Agh, I don't play games." Wes silently thanked his new book.

"So," She said. "To what do I owe the pleasure of this lovely conversation?" She teased.

"Well," He hummed. "I was hoping that maybe the two of us could uh...meet up again?"

"When were you thinking?" She asked. Blake smiled inwardly, the awkwardness of this situation was something she yearned for.

"I'm honestly not sure," He replied. "Whenever you're available?"

"Tomorrow at noon would work." She said.

"Do you want to meet there or would you like a ride?" He asked.

She smiled, "Looks like you're stuck giving me a ride."

"It's no problem!" He exclaimed. "Just give me your address and I'll pick you up!"

"It's... " Blake sighed, Yang is the person who chose the location of their penthouse. After composing herself, she took a deep breath, "6969 Catnip Drive."

"Um… Interesting. Okay I'll pick you up tomorrow at noon!" Wes was confused at the address but was sure Blake wouldn't lie. He scored a date! He pumped his fist in the air and felt on top of the world.

"See you then." She said.

After he hanged up the phone, Wes started doing an air guitar solo in celebration. His glee was cut short after he heard a snicker.

"So who was that?" Tess asked, "You seem to have more game than I thought."

Wes turned around and saw Tess standing there wrapped in a towel. He hid his beet red face behind his hands. "GAH, why aren't you wearing anything?"

"Believe it or not, people typically wear towels when they get out of the shower." She said bluntly.

"Go put some clothes on!" He demanded.

Tess didn't want him to change the conversation that easily, "Did you score a date?"

"D-doesn't matter!" He stuttered.

She walked over and grabbed his book, "'Dating for Dolts?'" She chuckled, "Is this how you accomplished such a feat?"

"It's not that much of a miracle…" He muttered.

* * *

Blake smiled, she finally had a date. To drive the winning point home, he liked books. She turned around to watch TV when the blonde's voice was heard.

"So, Kitten," Yang smiled, "Who was that?"

* * *

**Toto: MAK and I decided to keep Alfred throughout the whole story! Looks like team RWBY screwed up a little, let's see where this goes!**

**MAK: Holy crap I love writing this story with Toto! WE HAVE SO MUCH AWESOMENESS PLANNED!**


	8. Chapter Eight: Revelations

Chapter Eight: Revelations

"So Kitten," Yang smiled, "Who was that?"

"Uhhh…" Blake mumbled. "A friend."

"Ohhhh…" Yang jumped at the chance to tease the Kitten, "Was it a _special_ guy?"

There was no harm in telling her. "Yeah...maybe."

Yang gasped of happiness for Blake and bombarded her with questions. "Have you two gone on a date yet? How did you meet? Is he nice? Is this guy legal? But most importantly," Yang put her hand on Blake's shoulder, "Is he attractive!?"

"Woah woah! One question at a time…" Blake searched her brain for answers and just told the blonde about her and Wes' relationship so far. "We met at a bookstore and we exchanged numbers is all, and the date is today at noon."

Yang wasn't surprised. Of course her Kitten would go after the intellectual type. "Oh Blakey, Blakey…" Yang scanned Blake's outfit, "You weren't planning to wear _that _were you?"

"What's wrong with my outfit?!" Blake yelled, "I wear it every day!"

Yang gasped. "Blake! You know we're not supposed to talk about..._that_!"

Ruby walked into the room with a cookie in one hand and one of Weiss dirty magazines in the other. "What's up? Sounds like someone's breaking the fourth wall in here!"

"Has anyone seen my...special box?" Weiss called out from inside her room.

Instantly, Ruby "eeped" and her face went white. "DON'T TELL HER!" She whispered.

Yang and Blake watched as Ruby tossed the magazine at a flower pot near the window. Her intention was for the magazine to land behind the flower pot. Instead, it slammed right into the flower pot, sending it flying off its stand and onto the floor with a loud crash.

RBY cringed at Ruby's shitty ninja skills. "What is going on in here?!" Weiss yelled as she sprinted into the room. Her mouth dropped at the sight before her. "WHY IS MY BEAUTIFUL DECORATION SCATTERED ON THE FLOOR?!"

"Umm...uhhh…" Ruby stammered before pointing at the feline faunus on the couch. "IT WAS HER!"

Blake pointed to herself, "Me?"

Weiss ignored Ruby's obviously false accusations and walked over to the shattered remains of her precious flower pot. Covered in soil and chunks of clay pot lay one of her dirty magazines.

"So that's where it went…" Weiss muttered. She picked up the magazine and clutched it tightly, stroking it gently. She ignored the rest of her team as she headed to her room.

Everyone was shocked at Weiss' actions, but Yang broke the silence. "Well...that was a thing..." The blonde changed the conversation and since she couldn't contain her excitement about the revelation earlier, she announced. "BLAKE HAS A DATE TODAY AT NOON!"

"WHAF?" Ruby said as she shoved the cookie in her mouth. "THAF'S WONFURFUL!" Ruby swallowed and glanced at Blake's outfit, "Your date is in an hour and you're wearing _that?_"

"WHAT IS WRONG WITH," Blake looked down at her white v-neck zip up shirt and black pants with a vertical gray stripe on the side of each leg. "Okay, I can see what you mean, but it's just a date. With might I add, practically a stranger."

"Well, nothing is really wrong with your outfit," Yang said. "But it would be better if you wore something...nicer for a _first_ date." She clarified.

Seeing as Yang wouldn't drop the subject, Blake asked, "What did you have in mind?"

Ruby turned to Yang, "Nothing that makes her look like a hoe-bag."

Yang was downcast, "Aw you're no fun…"

An idea struck Yang and she grabbed Blake's arm and walked into Weiss' room, with Ruby soon following. What they found was more disturbing than anything they could have imagined.

Weiss was sitting down in the middle of her dark room. Surrounded by candles, she was leaning over the magazine that she had reacquired from Ruby in a trance like state. She was muttering some strange chant while stroking the picture of the nearly naked man wearing a cowboy hat.

"Weiss…" Yang muttered. "What the hell is going on here?"

"Hmm?" Weiss looked up as if nothing happened. "I was just admiring my progress."

Ruby spat out some of her cookie, "PROGRESS WITH WHAT!?"

"Nothing to concern yourselves over." Weiss replied.

"Yeah, well…" Yang lost her train of thought after the image she just endured. "We ugh… Came here to get some clothes… So…." Yang walked over to Weiss' closest and pulled out several shirts, pants, and dresses. "See you… Later?"

"See you." Weiss said before closing her eyes and resuming her chant.

Ruby and Blake were wide-eyed and speechless as they followed Yang out the door. They wanted to forget the scene that just ensued. The blonde laid out the variety of clothes on the living room couch and gestured for Blake to take her pick.

There was a variety of blouses and dress pants that looked like something a businesswoman would wear. Several shorts and T-shirts were in plain view as well, along with formal dresses.

Blake gave her opinion, "These all look either really casual or really fancy."

"Oh come on!" Yang said as she scanned the pile. "This one is pretty good!" She held up a wedding dress and was on the verge of laughter.

Blake couldn't help but wonder, "Why does Weiss have a wedding dress?"

"It's 'nothing to concern ourselves over.'" Ruby mocked.

"Doesn't matter, I'm not wearing any of these." Blake concluded.

"Don't you want to impress him?" Yang asked.

"Being myself is enough." Blake said as she stepped into her room and shut the door.

"Mhmmmm." Ruby agreed with Blake and sassily snapped her fingers.

* * *

"Is your date today?" Tess asked.

"Noon." Wesley simply replied.

Tess was surprised it was today, "Oh… Are you leaving soon? You only have thirty minutes."

"Yeah, i'm leaving now." He said.

"Have fun and keep it in your pants!" Tess waved him off.

"I will!" Wesley paused and muttered, "Maybe..." And shut the door.

Tess dropped her head and muttered, "You idiot…"

* * *

Blake decided to wait outside so Wesley didn't have to meet her team yet. She did not want him to go through that trauma on their first date. The rest of her team however, is crowded around the window, watching her every move. Every once in a while, Blake would glance up at the window, and the team would cower away from sight.

It wasn't long before she heard a strange rumbling sound coming from up the street. Soon there was a loud bang that echoed through the air. Thinking that she was under attack, Blake ducked behind a mailbox as she pulled out her weapon.

The man parked his garbage he called a car. He stepped out and waved to Blake as she cringed. "Hey! Why are you out here?" Wesley asked.

"I have three roommates and don't want to scar you for life just yet." Blake explained.

Wesley looked around, "Where?"

Blake turned around and looked up at the window the three were gathered around earlier. RWY ducked before Wesley had the chance to get a good look at them.

Wesley raised his eyebrows, "Are they shy?"

Blake almost laughed, "Far from it. Let's just get out of here."

Wesley tried to open the door for Blake after kicking it a few times. "After you, mi'lady."

"Why thank you Sir Wesley." She replied.

He shut the door for Blake and walked around the car and muttered, "Better than Wanker Wes…" Under his breath.

After turning the keys several times, the engine barely squeaked to life. Blake sat in her seat dumbfounded, "Where did you get this car?"

Wes started towards their destination, "I got it from a guy named Neptune from DustList. He told me it was an incredibly rare car."

Blake's ears perked up when she heard that. She knew that Neptune was one of Sun's partners and the two of them had participated in some incredibly shady dealings before.

Neptune had no doubt suckered Wesley into buying some shitty car. "Is it a collector's item?" Her question betrayed her thoughts puuuuurfectly.

"Yeah, that's what he said. He even had some paperwork to prove it." Wesley replied.

Blake raised her eyebrows, "Interesting." She knew Wes had no idea what hit him. She felt somewhat sympathetic. After a few minutes of silence, she took in her surroundings. In the back seat, she saw the book 'Dating for Dolts' with a bookmark around the first few pages. "So, I thought you got that for a friend?"

"Got what?" Wes asked as he focused on the road.

"'Dating for Dolts,'" She nonchalantly replied. "You really didn't think that I believed you when you said it was for a friend did you?"

"Oh I ugh… Yeah... I should have known you are the intelligent type." Wesley admitted.

Blake smiled as Wes announced, "WE'RE HERE!"

* * *

"What...the hell...was that?" Yang asked. "That car looked like it was thrown in a blender."

"I didn't even think it was a car," Ruby replied. "I thought it was some kind of medieval carriage...but with no horses."

"That was...certainly interesting." Weiss added.

"I'm glad Bumblebee is in good shape! That thing makes her look HOT HOT!" Yang paused, "Well… She looks good anyway."

Weiss cut in, "Now that Blake is gone, I think it's time to starting planning our next heist."

"But I thought we were gonna lay low for a bit." Ruby said. "Why are we already planning another one?"

"Yeah, and shouldn't Blake be here too?" Yang asked.

Weiss crossed her arms, "This is planning ahead of time. I'm talking in about two weeks."

"But Blake said we should-" Ruby spoke.

"Blake would likely agree that two weeks is long enough. We have been hitting places every day recently. A two week break and the two days we have already spent doing nothing is long enough." Weiss explained.

"Okay so who do you have in mind?" Ruby asked.

Weiss turned around and grinned sadistically. "Muahahahahaha…"

"Well," Yang placed her hands on her hips. "Are you gonna tell us or what?"

Weiss was on the verge of laughter, "The most powerful man in Remnant!"

Yang gasped. "You don't mean…"

"Ummm…" Ruby hummed. "Who's the most powerful man in Remnant?"

Weiss smirked in response and Yang answered for her, "Weiss' dad."

* * *

After ordering their meals, Wes tried to remember what the book said. "So, do you come here often?" He asked that after remembering that's the first thing Blake asked him. He thought it would be cute.

"No, first time here." Blake said after not catching the familiarity of their conversation.

"Oh, right...forgot about that." He chided himself '_smooth move dumbass.'_

Wesley broke the silence, "I noticed you had your weapon drawn when I pulled up. How does it work?"

"It's complicated... But the short version is that it's a sword and also a gun." She exclaimed.

Wes' eyebrows raised, "Interesting. Do you have a semblance?"

"Shadow clones." Blake simply replied. "What's yours?"

"That's cool!" Wes began to explain his semblance, "I can make stuff with my mind."

Blake's eyebrows perked up with curiosity and thought, '_He's being so vague, then again so am I. Is he mocking me?'_

Wesley noticed Blake was in her own thoughts and asked, "So what do you do for a living? I noticed your penthouse is pretty nice."

Blake had to think of something, anything but stealing for a living. "I repossess things." She thought, '_Well… I'm not lying.'_

She noticed Wes' confused reaction, "Since I share the penthouse with three other people, the money adds up." She clarified and leaned in, "What do YOU do for a living?"

"I investigate crime scenes." Wes replied without giving his job title.

Blake was sipping on her drink and started to cough, "Excuse me?" She thought she was hearing things.

"Yeah, I'm a detective for the Vale City Police Department." He explained.

Blake was in a daze at the revelation as the waitress walked up to their table. "Here's your food!" She said enthusiastically as she set down Blake's salmon and Wes' chicken sandwich.

Suddenly, Blake lost her appetite and stared at her food as Wes began to eat.

Wesley noticed her mood change and asked, "Everything okay?"

According to Blake, everything started to slow down from her perspective. Time was almost standing still. The waiter next to them dropped a glass of water and she could see the glossy liquid spilling out of the glass like a waterfall in slow motion.

Everything stopped.

* * *

**Toto: Wow, that went puuuuurfectly. Next chapter is going to be so amazing you guys will shit your pants, just like we originally had Blake do at Wes' revelation.**

**MAK: We totally had Blake shit her pants.**


	9. Chapter Nine: Another Day At The Office

**This chapter goes over team JNPR's work lives. We tried basing this off the T.V. show "The Office." ENJOY!**

* * *

Chapter Nine: Another Day At The Office

After JNPR returned from RWBY's penthouse, they couldn't help but question how weird their neighbors were acting.

"I'm telling you," Pyrrha said as she headed for the bathroom. "Those guys are _really_ weird."

"Yeah, I think you're right," Ren said as he sat down next to Jaune on the couch. "I've never seen anyone act so strangely."

"Really?" Nora said. "I kinda like them!"

"Yeah, I have to agree with Ren," Jaune stated as he lifted a spoonful of cereal out of the bowl. "You really know how to read people."

Pyrrha was in the bathroom brushing her teeth when she overheard Jaune and Ren's conversation. She smiled as she tried to think of some snarky quip about Jaune not being able to read people. When she couldn't, Pyrrha continued about her day.

"What did you think of me when we first met?" Jaune asked Ren.

Ren sighed. "You wouldn't like it if I told you..."

"Aw, come on! Just tell me!" Jaune insisted.

"Completely clueless." Ren simply replied.

Jaune processed this information for a moment before shrugging it off.

"Uh guys…" Nora said. "Aren't we supposed to be at the office early today?"

"Oh yeah! There's some kind of documentary crew coming to...document things," Jaune replied, "Do you remember when the boss wanted us to come in?"

"Eight thirty!" Pyrrha said from the bathroom with a mouthful of toothpaste.

"What time is it now?" Ren asked.

Jaune checked his watch. "Eight."

"Ohhh…" Nora said from the kitchen. "We're gonna be late today, aren't we?"

"YEP!" Jaune said as he quickly shoveled the remainder of the cereal into his mouth.

The next few minutes were complete and utter chaos as the four roommates frantically rushed to prepare for their office jobs.

* * *

Jaune, Nora, Ren, and Pyrrha, all worked at the same office space in downtown Vale. Their employing company, "The Schnee Dust Company", was based in Atlas and was the primary supplier of Dust throughout all of Remnant. However, the Vale branch strictly dealt with distributing Dust and Dust Accessories to potential customers around the world.

Jaune walked through the door first and was immediately greeted by a film crew pointing a camera in his face.

"Oh...Hi!" Jaune nervously spoke. "Ummm, I don't know what I'm supposed to say…"

"OH HEY!" A voice said.

Jaune looked over and saw an older man with silvery white hair walking towards them. "Oh hey boss!"

"Jaune," The man said as he put his hand on Jaune's shoulder. "I told you, call me Ozpin, or Ozzy...I don't want things like rank interfering with our team dynamic!"

"You got it, Ozzy!" Jaune said happily. "But umm...what are we supposed to do with all these cameras everywhere?"

Ozpin waved off the question. "Oh, nothing! Just continue to do your job like you usually do! Remember, it's just an average, normal day here."

* * *

_The camera zoomed up on Nora's face._

"_Ozzy's a pretty good boss. A bit weird but he's nice. I don't think I've ever seen him get angry."_

_Ozpin leered in the window behind Nora. "Nora! Stop talking to the camera crew and do your job!"_

_Nora gave Ozpin a thumbs up and he walked away. Once he was gone, she turned back to the camera. "Nobody knows whether 'Ozpin' is his first or last name. As a matter of fact, nobody knows much about him at all." Nora leaned in to whisper to the camera. "I think he might be a ninja assassin...or a celestial wizard…Oh, wait!" Nora gasped as a thought crossed her mind. "What if he secretly moonlights as a ninja assassin that's actually an undercover celestial wizard!? That would be so...COOL!" _

* * *

Pyrrha walked over to her desk and set her bag down on the floor beside it.

"Good morning, Pyrrha." A muscular orange-haired young man said as Pyrrha sat down at the desk next to him.

"Good morning, Cardin," She sweetly replied. "How are you today?"

Cardin had a large thermos filled with a protein shake. He took a large gulp as Pyrrha sat down. "Pretty good."

* * *

_Pyrrha looked into the camera. _

"_Cardin isn't exactly the brightest crayon in the box...or the sharpest tool in the shed... or the...shiniest coin in the bank…" Pyrrha droned on. "The point is, he's really fun to mess with." _

* * *

Cardin turned his computer around after seeing a foreign red wire in the corner of his eye. "Pyrrha, what's this wire doing here?"

Pyrrha kept a straight face. "Computers have wires, Cardin."

"Yeah but this!" Cardin tugged on the wire. "This wasn't here before!" Cardin looked at the back of Pyrrha's computer. "Yours doesn't have one!"

Pyrrha raised an eyebrow as she checked the back of her computer monitor. "Really?"

Cardin frowned and began to tug even harder on the wire. "It's going in a different direction from the other ones!"

"Huh, that's weird," Pyrrha said before popping a peppermint candy in her mouth. "You should find out where it leads."

Jaune sat from across the two and giggled at Pyrrha's prank. Pyrrha raised an eyebrow and shot him a half cocked smile as the two watched Cardin pull the wire, revealing that the wire itself was duct taped to the floor.

* * *

_Pyrrha giggled into the camera. _

"_I got about five hundred feet of red wire at the store." Pyrrha smiled, "It only cost me a hundred lien!"_

* * *

Cardin got up and continued pulling, ripping up the wire and the duct tape holding it down. The wire continued to the Jaune's desk, which knocked over some paper work. "Hey! Watch it Cardin!"

"Shut up Jaune! I must find out where this goes!" Cardin exclaimed.

The wire continued into the break room, the front door, hallway, and out the door. "Where are you going, Cardin?!" Ozpin yelled.

"I MUST FOLLOW THE TRAIL!" Cardin ran out the door, tearing the wire along the path.

After a few minutes, Pyrrha glanced out the window. She saw Cardin climbing the power line, hell bent on figuring out where the wire led. He looked like he was struggling as he tried to climb even higher up the pole.

* * *

"_I climbed all the way up there." Pyrrha said, "So he should be just fine."_

* * *

An hour or so later, once Cardin had managed to climb down the power lines, he sat down at his desk, covered in sweat and other questionable fluids.

Ozpin walked up behind Cardin as he was working on fixing his computer and grabbed him by the shoulders. "Watch out! We have a new guy!"

Cardin quickly whirled his chair around to get a look at the company's newest employee.

Scarlet held out his hand. "Nice to meet ya."

Cardin just sat there, a sweaty and grimy mess, so Ozpin kicked Cardin in the shin.. "Introduce yourself. Be polite."

"Fine," Cardin extended his hand. "I'm Cardin Winchester," He shook Scarlet's hand and flopped it back and forth. "Assistant Regional Manager."

"Assistant _to_ the Regional Manager." Ozpin corrected. "So, Cardin. Tell him about the car and everything."

Cardin's mood instantly improved. He loved talking about himself. "Yeah, uh, sure. I bought it for 1200 dollars, fixed it up and I'm looking to sell it for three grand." Cardin answered while looking at Scarlet.

"That's a pretty good profit." Ozpin added.

"New engine, new suspension...here I got some photos." Cardin said as he reached into his desk. As soon as he did, he grunted in anger. "GAH! DAMMIT, PYRRHA!"

"Hold on, hold on," Ozpin said as he stood between Pyrrha and Cardin's desks. "Judge is in session, what is the problem here?"

Cardin reached into his desk and pulled out a plate and slammed it on the desk. On it, was a solid dome of red jello that encapsulated Cardin's scroll. "SHE PUT MY STUFF IN JELLO AGAIN!"

Jaune made an audible laugh from across the room and put his hands over his mouth. Pyrrha tried to cover her smile with her hand.

Cardin voiced his opinion. "That's real professional, thanks. Third time and it wasn't funny the first two times-"

Ozzy tried to reason. "Alright-"

* * *

_Cardin sighed into the camera._

"_It's okay here, but people sometimes take advantage...because I'm so relaxed," Cardin had an intense glare on his face. "I'm a... volunteer Sheriff's Deputy on the weekends. And you cannot screw around there. It's sorta...one of the rules."_

* * *

Scarlet pointed to the jello. "Da fuck is that?"

Cardin reached into the jello and said, "That's my scroll."

"NO! NO! NO!" Ozpin yelled and grabbed Cardin's arm. "DO. NOT. TAKE IT OUT. Eat it out of there." Ozpin demanded, this elicited a laugh from Scarlet. "Because there are starving people in the world." Ozpin chuckled and faced the camera. "Which I hate. It's a waste of that kind of food-"

Cardin swung his chair around quickly and cut him off. "OKAY, YOU KNOW WHAT?" He pointed to Scarlet. "YOU can be a witness. Can you reprimand her please?"

Pyrrha was eating the same red jello as the three stared at her. "How do you know it was me?"

"It's ALWAYS you." Cardin turned to Ozpin, "Are you gonna discipline her?"

"Oh, discipline! Kinky!" Ozpin shouted.

Goodwitch turned around at Ozpin's comment and glared daggers.

"Here's the deal you two. Think about a practical joke and you have to know when to start as well as when to stop!" Ozpin lectured. "And yeah, Pyrrha. Now is the time to stop putting Cardin's personal items into jello."

Pyrrha nodded. "Okay. Cardin I'm sorry… I've always been… Your biggest flan."

Ozpin snorted at the apology and cracked up. He clapped his hands together, "OHOHOHO, NICE!" Ozzy turned to Scarlet, "That's the way it is around here. It just kinda goes around and around and around."

Scarlet saw his chance to impress the boss. "You should have put her in custardy."

"HEY! YES!" Ozpin shoved Scarlet's chest with both hands. "THIS GUY! HE SCORES!" He said as he was laughing.

Cardin cut in. "That's great. I guess what i'm most concerned with is uh, company property. That's all."

They had an intense stare off in dead silence.

Ozpin muttered, "Pudding…I'm trying to think…of what other dessert to do."

* * *

_Pyrrha smiled at the camera_

"_I like to prank Cardin." She smiled, "It's the best way to get through the day... Besides talking with Jaune."_

* * *

Ren walked over to the copy machine and turned it on. It made a low pitiful beep. After a few moments, the printer roared to life. He placed the paper on the copier and wanted to make ten copies. The copier, however, had a different plan. It produced vast amounts of paper, too quickly to keep count. It spat out hundreds of papers, sending them flying across the room like a card-shuffling machine gone mad.

"GAH!" Ren said as he was pelted with a barrage of papers. "NORA! HELP!"

"COMING REN!" Nora chirped. As soon as Nora walked through the door, she was pelted by papers and was sent flying back. "REN WHAT DID YOU DO?!"

_Wow, looks like the roles are reversed. _He thought. "It was the copier's fault! Do something!"

"ON IT!" Nora shouted. She pushed her co-worker Coco out of her chair and lifted it over her head. Nora then began smashing the copy machine with the chair. This sent sparks flying.

* * *

_Ren sighed as he looked into the camera._

"_Nora destroys things on a daily basis." Ren informed. "So Ozzy bought a tool kit… Just for her. She's pretty proud of herself for that."_

* * *

Goodwitch walked up to Ren at his desk. She was wearing her newest green blouse and wanted Ren's opinion. Since he wears green so often, she thought he would approve.

"Hey, Ren." Goodwitch waved as she walked up to him. "Do you like my shirt?"

Ren examined her outfit. "I think that green is kind of whore-ish."

Goodwitch scowled at his pokerface.

* * *

_Glynda stared, dumbfounded, into the camera._

"_WHAT THE HELL DOES THAT MEAN?! THAT SMUG BASTARD THINKS I CAN'T PULL OFF GREEN?"_

* * *

"Everyone, meet me in the conference room!" Ozpin said to the rest of the office floor. "I have something to talk to you about!"

Jaune and Pyrrha followed the rest of their coworkers into the conference room and sat down in the first row of chairs available.

Ozpin was standing at the front of the front of the room with Cardin at his side. "Okay, it's possible that you all may know by now about the bird that got stuck in the vents last week."

A sea of heads nodded, confirming Ozpin's assumption.

"Well, it's still here," Ozpin sighed. "One would think that it would have starved to death by now, but that's beside the point-"

"I have a theory…" Cardin interrupted Ozpin and held his finger in the air.

Jaune snickered to Pyrrha. "Oh this should be good."

Cardin continued to explain his 'theory.' "I believe that the bird in fact isn't a real bird at all."

"Then what is it?" Coco asked.

Cardin took a deep breath. "It's a robotic bird that was sent here on a mission from its cyborg-like overlords to gain knowledge on how we interact as a species so that they may flawlessly assimilate themselves into our culture and pass themselves off as one of our own."

* * *

_Scarlet's face hit the base of his palm._

"_What have I gotten myself into? These people are lunatics!"_

* * *

"I think that's highly unlikely, Cardin," Ozpin said. "Cyborgs wouldn't use a robot bird to collect information on us."

"How would you know that?" Cardin's face was now centimeters away from Ozpin's own. "Only a cyborg would say something like that. Are you a cyborg?"

"Pshh, me? Of course not!" Ozpin waved off the notion. "But how do you know that _you're _not a cyborg that was implanted with the memories and emotions of a human?"

Cardin looked like he was about to take dispute with Ozpin's claim, but soon realized that Ozpin's question was a valid one. In shock of the sudden realization that he may be a cyborg, Cardin simply walked out of the conference room and sat down at his desk, pondering the validity of everything he thought he knew.

Ozpin and the others had watched from inside of the conference room as Cardin stared blankly at his desk.

"Okay, where were we?"

"The bird!" Neptune shouted.

Ozpin snapped his fingers. "Ah, yes! Someone will be coming to take care of that little problem in a few days!"

Glynda groaned. "A few days?"

"Yeah, apparently this kind of thing happens all the time because the guy was booked for 3 days straight.

"Is that all?" Pyrrha sighed. "Can we get just get back to work now?"

Ozpin racked his brain for anything else that might be important information that he needed to share with everyone. "Yeaaaaaahhhh, I think that's everything! NOW EVERYONE GET OUT OF MAH CONFERENCE ROOM!"

* * *

"Hey, Glynda," Jaune asked as his coworker walked by. "How are you holding up?"

She shot Jaune a look that almost made him regret asking her. Then again, she always looked like she was about to bite the head off anyone who had the misfortune of crossing her. "Not good. If Oz doesn't get someone in here to take care of it NOW, I'm going to climb into that vent myself and strangle the life out of it."

Jaune choked on his water and began to cough. "You call him '_Oz'_?"

Glynda glared at Jaune. "_That's_ all you got out of that statement?"

"Well, yeah," Jaune replied. "I mean, the bird thing's pretty messed up, but you don't actually mean it, do you?"

Glynda cocked her head. "What makes you think I wouldn't do it?"

"N...nothing," He stammered. "But, you're just kidding...right?"

She didn't answer. Instead, she maintained eye contact with him as she slowly walked toward the break room.

* * *

_Jaune smirked into the camera._

"_I think that bird is stuck in the ceiling right above her desk. On a good day, she's just really scary, but recently…"_

_He turned around and looked out the window. He saw Glynda staring straight up at the ceiling with a seething scowl on her face. _

"_Do I think she would strangle a poor little bird? Maybe." _

* * *

Glynda sat at her desk, trying to continue about her normal routine, but the bird flapping it's wings in the vent above her was enough to drive her to madness. The smallest thing was going to send her over the edge.

"Hey Glynda," Coco said as she walked over to her desk. "That green makes you look kind of whore-ish."

"Oh, fuck you, Coco," Glynda seethed. "You indoor-sunglasses-wearing bitch."

"WHOA!" Ozpin overhead the conversation and stepped in to intervene. "What's going on here?"

"I'LL TELL YOU WHAT'S GOING ON!" Glynda flew off the handle at her boss. "This ass grabbin' Coco called me a whore!"

"I said 'whore-ISH'!" Coco defended herself.

Glynda was beet red. "You little…"

"OKAY, thats enough!" Ozpin said with a little laugh in his voice.

"OH WHAT'S SO FUNNY?" Glynda said with bitterness in her voice.

"Well lets face it Glynda," Ozpin put his hand on her shoulder. "Green is just not your color."

Before Goodwitch could have another outburst, the bird started to make a racket and ended up destroying one of the ceiling tiles. The tile fell on top of Neptune's head. Neptune fell out of his chair. Many ceiling tile pieces were lodged in his hair.

"OW!" He yelped.

Everyone in the office stared at the foreign invader. Before anyone could take action, the bird flew on top of Jaune's head. "Wha- guys! I'M SCARED!"

The entire office went silent and they watched the bird peck at Jaune's head.

"Jaune, don't you DARE move." Glynda said as she crept toward him.

Jaune whimpered. "What should I do?"

"NOTHING!" Glynda hissed, "HE'S MINE."

The bird stared at Glynda, as if it was challenging her. If the bird could talk, it would say, "Come at me, bitch."

A tumbleweed of paper rolled between the two adversaries as the avian menace seemingly taunted Glynda by squawking twice. She narrowed her eyes and the bird cocked its head in defiance. Meanwhile, Jaune whimpered as the bird opened its wings threateningly on top of his head.

Neptune shook his head, "Does anyone know how that paper rolled on its own?"

"Glynda," Pyrrha nervously spoke and ignored Neptune. "What are you doing?"

Glynda roared as she vaulted over the desk and tackled the bird off Jaune's head, nearly taking his head off with her.

"YOU...SON OF A...MOTHERFU…PIECE OF..." In her blind rage, Glynda wove a tapestry of obscenities that was so toxic, it would hang in space over the continent of Vale for years to come.

The bird continued to squawk and struggle as the pile of Jaune, Glynda and the bird writhed around on the floor.

"Glynda!" Jaune shouted. "You're kicking my face!"

She ignored his pleas and continued to pummel the poor bird.

However, the bird fought back. It spread its wings and flew on top of Glynda's head. It made its new home in her hair.

"KWAAAA!" The bird screeched, proclaiming its new territory. Goodwitch just stood there, hesitant to raise her hands to detain the bird.

"DON'T. MOVE." Coco demanded as she crept closer.

"No, no," Ozpin disagreed. "Let me handle this."

Everyone watched as Ozpin headed into his office and grabbed a small silver bucket. He brought it back out and held it triumphantly in front of him.

"Why do you have a bucket in your office?" Pyrrha asked.

"Late nights," Ozpin nonchalantly replied. "Can't leave my office for anything."

"YOU MEAN YOU PISS IN THAT THING?!" Glynda screeched.

"AND poop," Ozpin added. "Don't you dare forget the poop."

"WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO DO WITH THAT?" Glynda's distressed voice cracked.

"I'm just going to tap you lightly on the head with it and hopefully, with enough luck, I'll assert my dominance over the bird and it will fly away." Ozpin said calmly.

Cardin tapped Ozpin's shoulder, "You are not going in there alone, not if I can help it."

"Thanks but, this is something I must do by myself." Ozpin replied.

"NO!" Glynda shouted. "You ARE NOT going to hit me in the head with your piss bucket!"

"Too late!" Ozpin launched himself towards the bird and slammed the bucket into Glynda's head, knocking her unconscious.

Coco watched the show. "Well, that might have been a little too hard."

"Nonsense!" Ozpin picked up the half-dead bird. "Mission is complete, everyone go back to your jobs!"

Pyrrha was concerned, "But what about-"

"GLYNDA IS FINE! SHE'S JUST SLEEPING!" Ozpin insisted.

Jaune stood up from the floor and looked at Glynda. "I think she's bleeding…"

"SHE'S ON HER PERIOD!" Ozpin exclaimed.

"But...it's from her head!" Jaune replied.

"You mean...girls don't bleed from their head when they're on their period?" Ozpin asked.

Pyrrha couldn't help but sigh at her boss' idiocy. "NO!"

"Then…" The gravity of the situation dawned on Ozpin. "Oh yeah, this is bad. REALLY BAD!"

"She's DEAD!" Cardin panicked. "WE GOTTA HIDE THE BODY!"

Ren simply sighed, "I'll call an ambulance."

* * *

"Well, that was...interesting," Pyrrha said as she and her friends walked past the paramedics outside. "But at least we get to go home early."

Glynda was being loaded into an ambulance with an oxygen mask over her face and bandages wrapped around her head. Ozpin walked over and placed his hand over hers.

"Don't worry, I'll be with you every step of the way." He reassures her.

Glynda scowled and firmly flipped him off.

"It's a pretty good idea, you know?" Nora said happily.

"What?" Pyrrha asked as the four of them walked down the sidewalk.

"A piss bucket!" Nora exclaimed. "It's actually really smart!"

Jaune nodded his head in agreement "We should go out and buy our own sometime!"

"I swear to god if you keep one of those at our apartment I'm kicking you out." Pyrrha deadpanned.

* * *

As they headed home from work, JNPR saw a man and Blake walk out of a cafe.

"Look!" Nora pointed. "It's Blake!"

"She looks paler than usual." Ren observed.

Pyrrha had a smile on her face. "But she's with a guy!"

"OH!" Jaune exclaimed. "I know that place! They have great cheese steaks!"

"OH MY GOD," Nora was stunned. "LOOK AT THAT CAR!"

"I know!" Pyrrha said. "It's so...shitty!"

"WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?" Nora shouted. "THAT CAR IS AWESOME!"

"For throwing in the trash?" Ren asked.

"No, for smashing!" Nora exclaimed.

"But really," Pyrrha added. "Blake is acting weird, even for her."

"She looks like a ghost." Jaune said. "We should ask her what's wrong later."

The three nodded in agreement.

* * *

**MAK: So YEAH, that chapter was really fun to write! I know I say that about pretty much any chapter we write, but THIS WAS SOOO FUN! Don't worry, we SHOULD be back to the main story next week! **

**Toto: "THAT SMUG BASTARD THINKS I CAN'T PULL OFF GREEN?!" "Oh! Kinky!" *Glynda glares daggers***


	10. Chapter Ten: The KFC Incident

Chapter Ten: The KFC Incident

Wes drove Blake home in complete silence. Blake was not initiating any conversations, her mouth was clamped shut. She didn't know how to react to the situation. All she knows is that Wes is a detective, someone who isn't an ally. But, she didn't know if he was after her team. It was time to get some answers.

"So," Blake turned to Wes. "You're detective, huh?"

Wes glanced at Blake. "Yeah, I love my job."

"That's good," she replied. "What's the strangest case you've ever seen?"

"A monkey escaped from the zoo and we had to wrangle it in." he answered.

Blake was dumbfounded. "And how was that a case?"

"We were hired to look for it,. he sighed.

"Do you try to take the most strange cases?" Blake asked. She wanted this to seem like an ordinary conversation.

Wes shook his head. "We get pretty normal ones."

"Have any cases made you frustrated?" She asked in a curious tone, hoping to get a more detailed answer.

"The one we are working on now is difficult." he admitted.

"Oh yeah?" She commented. "That has to be tough." Blake had a feeling that maybe, just maybe, the case would be the Dusty Bandits.

He sighed, "Yeah, it is. I can't talk to you about it because the case is on-going."

"No I understand," Blake said. "I grew up an orphan."

"Uhhhh…" Wesley stammered. "I'm sorry about that...but why would you bring that up on-?"

Blake put her finger to his lips. "Shhh, it's backstory time," She looked yearningly out the window. "It all started….at Kentucky Fried Chicken."

"Kentucky Fried Chicken?" He asked.

"Kentucky Fried Chicken," she confirmed. "I was seven, and my parents ordered the Endless Chicken Bucket - an endless abomination of grease and chicken. They couldn't handle the grease, so the chicken went straight through them. So they stumbled outside, looking for a trashcan-"

"What? A trashcan?" Wes interrupted. "But...why?"

Blake glared into Wes' soul. "Have you ever been inside a bathroom at a KFC?"

"No." he shook his head.

"Have you ever seen a hurricane of shit?" She asked.

"No." he replied again.

"Then pray you never do. They're pretty much the same thing," she said solemnly. "Anyway, they pulled their pants down, plopped on the trash cans, and started shitting right there on Fifth Avenue."

"Right in the street?" He asked in bewilderment.

"Yep," she sighed. "Right in the street."

"My god…" Wes muttered as he listened to the rest of Blake's tragic backstory.

"The trash cans tipped over in their shitting fury," she continued. "They rolled down the hill. Their heads were sticking out of the cans...smacking against the pavement like cheap dimestore basketballs. Gorey, blood-filled basketballs..."

Wes noticed a tear drift down her face. "Hey, it's okay." He tried to comfort her, "I'm sure that's happened to lots of people."

"I know, but that's not the point," She said, "I tried to sue Kentucky Fried Chicken for every last lien they had, but didn't win anything. They said that once my parents stepped outside of the restaurant, that they were no longer liable for anything that happened to them. All the big corporations like that care about is money."

Wes drove into the parking lot. "Isn't this a little too much for a first date?"

"Eh," she shrugged. "You already know what kind of porn I'm into, what's so weird about knowing how my parents kicked the fried chicken bucket?"

"True," he agreed and parked in front of her penthouse.

"Well, that was fun!" Blake said quickly and jumped out of the car, "I'll text you!" She yelled as she sprinted inside.

"Well that was...interesting." He thought out loud.

* * *

"Blake!" Yang yelled as she walked in the door, "How was it?"

The kitten was wide-eyed. "He...he…"

Yang noticed the sickly color of her partner's face, "Oh my god, are you okay? What happened?"

Ruby and Weiss walked into the living room, "HEY!" Ruby chirped, "Did you have fun!?"

Before Ruby could hug Blake, Weiss pulled her back. "Blake, what happened?" She asked in a serious tone.

"It's Wesley…" Blake sighed, "He's a detective."

Weiss' eyes narrowed. "Is he working on our case?"

"I...I don't know," Blake stared blankly at Weiss. "He couldn't tell me. He said the investigation was still on-going."

"Was there anything else he said?" Yang asked.

"All he told me was that this case frustrated him. He also implied he wasn't working on it alone." Blake replied.

"Whoa, whoa, whoa, hold up," Weiss said. "How long have you known this guy?"

Blake sighed. "Since...this morning."

"Wait, you went on a date with a guy you just met this morning?" Weiss asked.

Yang stepped in to defend her friend. "Well, maybe you would have known that if you weren't performing some ritual with a picture of a naked man in a cowboy hat!"

"It's for my progress okay!?" Weiss shrieked.

"WHAT PROGRESS!?" Ruby yelled.

* * *

_Meanwhile… In JNPR's apartment…_

"What the hell are they yelling about now?" Pyrrha pinched the bridge of her nose in frustration. "I'm about to go over there and-"

"NO!" Jaune stopped her as she was about to walk out the door. "We don't need to stir up trouble!"

"Trouble?" Pyrrha had a manic look in her eyes. "Jaune...after the day we've had today, the LEAST I want to do is relax without hearing those four bickering across the hall! Trouble? TROUBLE, MY ASS!"

Jaune gulped, "Le-let's settle down, Pear," He put a hand on her shoulder, "I'll go get some earplugs."

"Nope!" Pyrrha pushed past him and stormed into the hall, heading toward the noisy quartet's apartment.

* * *

"It's...PROGRESS!" Weiss shouted.

"I STILL HAVE NO IDEA WHAT THAT MEANS!" Yang replied. A sly smile crossed her face, "Is that your word for 'masturb-'"

"DON'T YOU DARE FINISH THAT SENTENCE, XIAO LONG!" Weiss shrieked.

Suddenly, Pyrrha burst through the door to their penthouse with a crazed look in her eye. "WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON IN HERE!?"

Ruby "eeped" and ducked for cover behind the couch. "WEISS WAS MASTURBATING TO A NAKED COWBOY!"

Pyrrha's face turned a bright shade of red. "Well...I didn't...wait, what?"

Weiss tried to set everything straight, but Blake beat her to it. "Sorry, we're having a bit of a...private argument. We didn't mean to be so loud."

"Uh-huh…" Pyrrha said with her mouth agape. "Okay...I'm leaving now. Just...try to keep it down."

"Wait!" Weiss yelled. "That's not what-"

The door shut abruptly.

Yang could swear she saw steam coming from Weiss' head. "YOU DOLTS! WHY THE HELL WOULD YOU SAY THAT?!"

"Okay," Ruby walked over to them. "Let's drop the subject of masturbation. Was there anything else your date said?"

Blake shook her head. "No."

"Good…" Weiss muttered. "We can use this."

"What do you mean?" Blake asked cautiously. "What are you planning?"

"Oh nothing," Weiss replied suspiciously. "Just make sure you keep in contact with that detective. We might be able to use him."

"Speaking of planning, we've decided where our next hit will be!" Yang exclaimed.

"WHAT?!" Blake yelped, "I thought we agreed to wait a bit!"

"We are," Weiss said. "We've already waited a while. We will wait one or two more weeks. I bet they are stumped on where we went or what we are doing at this very moment."

Blake sighed. "You have a good point."

Yang grinned. "Why don't you tell her _who _we are robbing?"

"It's my father." Weiss smirked.

"That's… ironic." Blake said.

"TELL ME ABOUT IT!" Ruby groaned.

Blake smirked. "I like it!"

Yang slung her arm around Blake. "Other than the whole detective thing...how was your date?"

"It was...awkward." She replied.

Ruby gasped, "You mean like…aca-awkward?"

"Ruby, you've been watching too much Pitch Perfect." Weiss said.

Blake sighed. "Yes, Ruby. ACA-awkward. Considering I told him my tragic backstory."

"Blake!" Yang exclaimed, "You...you talked about Kentucky Fried Chicken?"

"Yeah…" She shrugged. "I thought it would make interesting conversation."

"Oh, Blake," Weiss put her hand on Blake's shoulder. "Talking about how your parents shit themselves to death doesn't make for good 'first date' conversation."

"Yeah," Yang said. "I hate to agree with the Ice Queen over here, but she's right. You…really haven't been on all that many dates, have you?"

"Shut up." Blake said.

* * *

"How was your date?" Tess asked Wes as sat down at his desk. The police station was particularly busy this evening.

"It was okay, she seems...interesting." Wes said as he turned on his computer.

Tess raised an eyebrow. "That's good," She pulled out the tape the two recorded earlier. "I have something you may want to see."

"Oh?" Wes rolled his chair over to Tess' desk. "What's up?"

"When we watched the tape, you thought one of them might be a cat faunus," she said. "I found a clip that proves she most likely may be one."

"Oh yeah," He laughed. "And you thought she was into some fetish."

"Right," Tess giggled. "Well, it turns out she might _actually_ be a faunus."

"Really?" He asked.

Tess smiled and put the footage on the computer screen. "Just watch."

The video began rolling, when the white-haired girl started yelling at the short-haired brunette, Tess pointed to the black-haired figure. "Her ears twitched!"

"Whoa!" Wes exclaimed. "You're right! I think she's actually a faunus! We may have our biggest lead yet!"

"I really thought those ears were just connected to the mask," she sighed. "But that one little twitch proved that theory wrong."

"Wait…" Wes said. "Were you _hoping_ for it to be some kind of fetish?"

Tess shrugged. "Eh, it would have made things more interesting."

"Regardless," Wes sighed. "I think we're dealing with some highly trained professionals…"

* * *

_...Meanwhile..._

"YANG!" Weiss called out from the living room of the penthouse. "STOP TEARING APART THE KITCHEN!"

"WHERE'S MY FUCKING PEANUT BUTTER!?" Yang wailed as the sound of clinking glass jars being shoved about echoed through the kitchen.

* * *

"Well whoever they are, we'll catch them sooner or later." Tess said.

"Let's hope." Wes sighed.

* * *

The sun was beginning to set over the nightclub district of Vale. Inside one of the sketchier establishments, a large burly figure cleaned the bar. The music pumping reverberated off the walls. After the figure wiped off the last spec of dust, a set of twins walked down from the front door.

"Junior." one of the twins in a red dress said.

The girl in a white dress finished her sentence. "She's here."

Junior tilted his head up. "Bring her in-"

Just then, the double doors opened, and a newcomer sauntered through the club, intent on her mission.

"Hi," Junior said as she walked up to him. "Can I help you with something?"

The woman gave a mischievous grin, "Hello, Junior," she said as her eyes flashed red.

Junior held his hand out for a handshake. "It's a pleasure to see you again, Cinder. What can I do for you?"

A sly smirk crossed her face. "I need your help with something…"

* * *

**Toto: we changed it to KFC just for the "they kicked the Kentucky Fried Chicken bucket." It WAS Taco Bell, thank Mason for that brilliant idea. THAT is why Blake robs, she wants to get back at KFC. "Her ultimate goal is to screw them over."**

**Mason: KENTUCKY FRIED CHICKEN - THE CLUCKSTERFUCK**


	11. Chapter 11: Vibrators & Mouth Breathers

Chapter Eleven: Vibrators &amp; Mouth Breathers

"Would you like some tea, Mr. Pennyworth?" Ruby happily asked the money-man.

Ruby held up Alfred and imitated a deep voice, "No, Ruby. I don't want your tea."

"WELL TOO BAD!" Ruby shouted and poured the tea over the money-man.

Weiss stormed into the living room, "Ruby Rose! ALFRED IS WORTH THOUSANDS! Stop taking him lightly!"

Ruby pouted as she cuddled the sticky money-man, "But he's so….sweet."

"And filthy!" Weiss chastised Ruby. "Now he's covered in tea!"

"...Sweet tea?" Ruby innocently asked.

Yang suddenly walked into the room and sniffed, "Did someone just make a pun?"

Weiss shuddered, "My god...Yang is naturally attracted to puns."

Ruby sighed. "Yep. You know how most people walk into a kitchen when they smell bacon cooking?"

Weiss nodded. "Yeah…"

"Well it's like that with Yang…" Ruby stated. "Except with puns."

"Yang," Weiss said. "I forbid you from making any more puns."

The blonde raised her eyebrow. "Seriously? That's like asking me not to slap Blake's ass every time she walks by."

Blake walked out off the hallway with her nose buried in a book. When she passed Yang, she felt a firm slap right on her ass.

"See?" Yang shrugged. "It can't be done."

Blake scowled as she continued walking until she reached the kitchen.

"Well I'm asking you to _try_ to resist making puns." Weiss said.

Yang sighed overdramatically. "OKAY, FINE."

"You're trying to think of one right now, aren't you?"

Yang ignored Weiss' question. "I'm reading a book about anti-gravity."

"You ARE trying to think of one," Weiss replied. "Oh my god, I can see right through you."

Yang grinned slyly. "I CAN'T PUT IT DOWN!"

Ruby snickered at her sister's pun and watched as Yang cackled and slapped her knee in jest.

Weiss turned to Ruby, "DON'T ENCOURAGE HER!"

Blake walked into the living room with a tuna sandwich in her hand. "Yang reading a book? The last time Yang read a book, it was her freshman year at Beacon."

"Hey!" Yang said in her defense. "That's not true! I read all the time!"

"Oh really?" Blake set her book down. "What's the last thing you read that wasn't one of your smutty fan-fics?"

Yang stammered, trying to come up with an answer. "I read an instruction manual one time."

"To what?" Weiss asked.

The blonde casually shrugged her shoulders. "Your vibrator."

"Which one?" Weiss immediately realized her slip up and clamped her hand over her mouth.

The room was silent for a moment before it was broken by Ruby.

"Ewwwwwww!" Ruby wrinkled her nose in disgust.

"Speaking of vibrators," Yang said as she turned to Blake. "How have you and your detective been?"

"Yeah!" Ruby chirped, "You haven't been on a date with him for several days!"

Blake sighed. "We've been texting, but he's been really busy with the case he's working on, so we haven't had time to go out again."

"I bet he will call you soon!" Ruby said happily.

"Yeah!" Yang cut in. "He won't be able to stand being away from your bellabooty for too long."

Weiss moved the remains of Alfred and began scrubbing the tea stain left on the floor. "You are all such idiots…"

* * *

"God, where is he?" Tess muttered under her breath. _It's not like that wanker to be late._

She was sitting behind her work desk scanning her computer for information - any kind of information - about the Dusty Bandits.

_Maybe he's more obsessed about this case than I am..._

"Hey, Eira." Another detective in a blue pinstripe suit walked up to Tess' desk.

"Hey, Dix," Tess replied with a smile. "How's it hangin'?"

Detective Dix raised an eyebrow. "Oh, hardy fucking har."

"Relax, Manny," Tess waved it off. "I'm just screwing with ya!"

Manny sighed as he shrugged his shoulders. "Yeah, I know."

"So where've you been?" Tess asked as she crossed her legs.

"Back in Mistral," he replied. "We finally caught the scumbag that was terrorizing the continent."

"The guy that only needed to know someone's name and face to kill them?!" She asked. "How was he doing it?"

"It was so weird!" Dix replied. "He killed them with a notebook. That guy was a real douche. Anyway, do you know where Wesley is?" Manny asked. "I didn't see his piece of shit car out front."

Tess tried to stifle a laugh. "I haven't seen him around today. I have nothing else to do...I guess I'll go check on him after work."

* * *

Ruby lifted the shot glass to her lips and gulped down the milky liquid. She slammed the shot glass down on the table and heartily announced, "BARTENDER! ANOTHER, IF YOU PLEASE!"

"How many do you need?" Weiss asked, clearly annoyed.

Yang pushed her sister away, "No! Me first! ANOTHER STRAWBERRY SUNRISE!"

Blake locked eyes with the blonde, she could swear they turned red. "Yang, I think you need to slow down. You're already on your third drink."

"But this is only Salty's first drink!" Yang loudly proclaimed.

"I. AM. NOT. SALTY!" Weiss yelled.

Blake was tired of Yang's drunkenness, "It doesn't matter that Weiss has only had one drink. You've had three."

"Yaaaaaaaaang," Ruby whined. "Let me have some!"

Yang took a swig of half the shot and handed the rest to Ruby. "Here ya go, sis!"

Ruby was about to take a gulp, but Weiss grabbed it out of her hand. "You're still underage!"

Blake sighed and shook her head in disappointment. "Can we leave now?"

"Nooooo," Ruby dragged out as if she was drunk. "We are just getting to the fun part!"

"By 'fun', do you mean the headaches and the hangovers?" Weiss asked.

"YAASSSS!" Yang bellowed.

The bartender sighed and shook his head as he went about cleaning the dirty beer mugs. Just then, the bar doors swung open, with four people in tow. RWBY and the bartender's eyes were on them.

"PYRRHAAAA!" Yang sloppily stumbled over to Jaune, Nora, Pyrrha and Ren.

Pyrrha stared with her mouth open as she watched the drunk blonde close in on her and the others.

"Nope," Pyrrha said as she turned around to walk back out the door. "Nope, nope, nope."

"Pyrrha!" Nora yelled as she grabbed her arm, "Come on! We're here have fun!"

Pyrrha hissed in a whisper. "Those four are nothing but trouble! All they've done is make our lives miserable!"

"IMPOSSIBRU!" Ruby yelled as she grabbed Jaune and set him down at the bar next to Weiss.

Pyrrha sighed but nonetheless took a seat next to Jaune, with Nora and Ren following.

Jaune casually turned to Weiss. "So Snow Angel. Tonight, you, me, my place?"

Nora wrinkled her nose in disguist, "Ewwwww."

"No one wants to hear that," Ren commented.

Weiss scowled, "I wasn't going to say yes."

Dejected, Jaune slowly turned back to the bar. "Long Island tea please."

"You know what that is, right?" Ren asked.

"Yeah," Jaune nodded. "It's tea, isn't it?"

Nora smiled suspiciously, "Well, you're not wrong."

Pyrrha groaned and rested her head against the bar. "This is gonna be a long night…"

* * *

"Remember when Yang drew a dick on Jaune's forehead at Beacon?" Ruby happily asked.

Pyrrha couldn't help but laugh as the eight walked home. "Those were goooooooood times."

"That thing didn't come off for twooo weeeeks!" Jaune slurred as he whined.

"Wasn't Scarlet the one who finally rubbed it off?" Weiss asked, clearly sober.

Ruby chuckled and muttered. "Heh. Rubbed it off…"

Jaune spun around drunkenly and closed in on Weiss. "The offer's stilllll open, Weisss. If you wanna come back to my place-"

"_OUR place." _Nora said.

"Yeah," Jaune said. "Our place…"

Weiss scoffed. "Turn around and walk forward you perverted mouth-breather."

"Why'd you have to make it personal?" Jaune dejectedly said as he turned around and slumped forward.

Pyrrha pat Jaune on the back. "I like your mouth breathing. It helps me sleep at night."

"Thanks, Pear…" Jaune said.

Ruby giggled once again. "Hehe, _Pear._"

Blake sighed. "C'mon, Ruby, that one wasn't even suggestive."

"And she's the one who's sober…" Weiss mumbled.

The eight entered the apartment building, hoping to get a good night's rest after their drunken escapades.

"Gooooooodnight," Ruby pretended to slur as she waved JNPR off.

Ren rolled his eyes, "Night."

* * *

Tess stumbled through Wes' dirty apartment. "Wes? Where the hell are you?"

The apartment was dark. The curtains were pulled and the lights were off. Only a few lonely rays of light from outside shined inside.

Tess flipped on a light switch and turned on the light in his living room. The place was a mess. Old pizza boxes were strewn across Wes' coffee table. There were about a dozen empty Starbucks cups littering his floor.

She resisted the urge to leave and come back with a mop and a vacuum, she pressed even further into his apartment. "And he thought I was bad…"

She eventually found him in his office perched like an owl on his chair. His eyes had bags under them from lack of sleep and obsession.

Tes walked in cautiously. "Jesus, Wes, you look like hell!"

"There's something here, Tess, I know it," he said. "I know I'm missing something."

Tess' eyes narrowed. "First of all, why are you sitting like that? And what are you talking about?"

"If I don't sit like this then my deduction ability lowers by forty percent…" He mumbled. "There MUST be something we're not looking at...something we're overlooking."

"Jesus, Wes." Tess put a hand on his back. "You need a break. How about going on a date with that Blake girl?"

"Yeah, uh, maybe I should." He said. "You might be right."

"Here," she handed him the phone. "Give her a call and see what she's doing tomorrow night."

After a few rings, Blake picked up the phone. "Heyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! How you doin'?"

Tess raised her eyebrows at the greeting. The two could hear her clearly loud voice even though the phone wasn't on speaker. It was obvious Blake had been drinking.

"Are...are you okay?" He asked.

"Oh yeah, yeah, me and the girls went out for some drinks and got a little buzzzzzzed," she replied. "Are youuuuu okay?"

"Yeah, I haven't slept for about 72 hours, so I'm kinda tired," he said. "Other than that, I'm fine."

"Oh wooooooww!" Blake said a little over-enthusiastically. "That's like a world record or something!"

Wesley laughed at Blake's giddiness. "Do you want to browse me some more tomorrow?"

Tess cringed, was this some sort of joke between those two?

"Hellz yeahhh," Blake replied eagerly. "What time?"

"I don't know," he said. "How about once you recover from your hangover?"

Blake did her best 'Tony the Tiger' voice, "GREEEEEEAAATT!"

Wes smiled. "Alright! I'll see you then!"

Tess watched him hang up the phone as he stood up. "You're right! I'm feeling better already!"

"That's great!" Tess said with feigned enthusiasm. "Now go take a shower. You smell like shit."

* * *

**Mason: Weiss has vibrators. MANY VIBRATORS.**

**Toto: *Ruby wrinkled her nose in disgust* "EWWWWW!" Jaune is now a mouth breather, and Pear loves it! Creepy….**


	12. Chapter Twelve: Cleanup on Aisle Four

Chapter Twelve: Cleanup on Aisle Four

"And that's why I can only shit twice a week," Wesley stated proudly.

"Thanks for sharing," Blake said happily. "It's nice to know something weird about each other, especially after my orphan story."

The two were sitting in Wes' piece of crap car, which was in the Dust Mart parking lot. "So what made you want to go on a date all of the sudden?"

"Well, I was obsessing over this case I'm working on and figured I could use a break." He replied.

Blake's eyes glimmered, this was her chance. "What kind of case would make you obsess over it?"

Wes sighed, "I guess it couldn't hurt to tell you. Have you heard of the Dusty Bandits?"

Blake raised an eyebrow, "I've heard of them from the newspaper."

"Well, they've been giving the department the slip for a while now and we haven't had any leads…"

_So he was working on our case!_

Blake smirked ever so slightly, yet not enough for Wesley to detect it. "Oh really?"

"Until the other day…"

Blake's smirk had disappeared, "W-what happened the other day?"

"They hit the Vale Metropolitan Bank a few days ago, but we finally have a lead." Wes smirked.

She cursed in her head, "What kind of lead?"

_I bet it was Yang…!_

"They disabled the video on all the security cameras, but one of them was disconnected from the system hidden in the safe itself," he explained

Blake felt a lump rising in her throat, "And what did it show?"

"There's a video of one of the culprit's ears twitching on top of her head. We are pretty certain she's a faunus."

_Well shit...it was me!_

"That's good news," Blake said through gritted teeth. "It makes your job easier."

_I'm going to kill Weiss when I get home...she was supposed to handle ALL the cameras!_

"Yeah, my partner and I are pretty excited for the find," he said eagerly.

Blake took this opportunity to learn about his partner, "Are they nice?"

"Very, although she makes lots of sex puns," he chuckled.

_She would be best friends with Yang…_

"What's her name?" Blake asked, seemingly jealous.

"Why?" He smirked. "Are you jelly?"

"You wish," she winked.

"Her name's Tess," he answered.

"Are you two close?" She asked.

"She makes fun of me a lot, so you tell me."

"I bet it's out of loooooove," she giggled.

"Pshh," Wes waved it off and laughed. "No, Tess and I aren't a thing. You have nothing to worry about!" He opened his door, strode around to the other side of the car, and opened Blake's door for her.

"You sure know how to make a girl special...bringing her to _Dust Mart_…" Blake muttered.

"Oh we're gonna have fun," he snickered. "Trust me…"

* * *

Pyrrha woke up to the sun's rays lingering through the window. She rolled over and saw a certain blond-haired boy who was staring at her wide-eyed. Pear looked into his eyes and said,

"Oh, please tell me we did it."

* * *

Ruby was aware of the blindspots of the cameras when she made her move. Her hand cautiously reached for a large box of rubber gloves. With one swift movement, she shoved the box up her skirt.

Yang looked over her shoulder and saw the action. She approached Ruby and whispered, "How the hell is that not falling out?"

Ruby giggled, "You don't wanna know."

Weiss casually walked over to the pair. "What are you doing?!"

Yang stared into Weiss' soul, "You don't wanna know."

"Just get back to shoplifting!" Weiss ordered rather loudly.

Bystanders stopped in their tracks to check out the sketchy trio. They didn't have any proof of them shoplifting, so they reluctantly went back to their business.

Ruby broke the silence, "Way to almost blow our cover!"

"You're supposed to be getting supplies for the next heist," Weiss reminded. "Not goofing around."

"I just took several pairs of rubber gloves!" Ruby harshly whispered.

Weiss raised an eyebrow, "And where are they?"

Before Ruby could answer, Yang interjected. "Okay, that's enough of that. Lets get back to business."

* * *

Nora and Ren were in the kitchen making lunch when Jaune and Pyrrha stumbled out of Jaune's bedroom. Pyrrha's hair looked like a tornado had ravaged her scalp. She was wearing Jaune's dinosaur t-shirt and a pair of navy blue basketball shorts. The both of them clearly looked hungover.

"Walk of shame, huh?" Nora asked bluntly.

"I...don't know," Jaune replied. "We...can't exactly remember."

Nora sang giddily, "Ren and I know what happened~!"

She was about to continue speaking, but Ren clamped his hand over her mouth. Nora didn't give up, however, and began to gyrate her hips in a very suggestive manner.

"Will you tell us?" Jaune asked hopefully.

Nora looked to Ren for his approval, but he just gave her a stare and a wink. "Nope~!"

"Aw come on!"

* * *

Ruby walked briskly over to Yang, who was hovering near the hardware section. "Psst, YANG!"

"Hm?" The blonde turned toward her younger sister. "What's up, Rubes?"

"Why are we stealing all this stuff when we have so much money?" She asked.

Yang put her hand on Ruby's shoulder. "Because it's FUN!"

Ruby cocked her head to the side. "But...why?"

Weiss heard the conversation and walked over. "It doesn't hurt to have extra things."

"I guess…" Ruby mumbled.

"Is there anything we missed?" Weiss asked.

"Let's see," Yang said. "We got the wrench, screw drivers," she gestured to Ruby. "Rubber gloves, and...a rope."

Weiss looked at her notepad and checked each item off, "Okay, all that remains is my progress."

"WHAT PROGRESS?!" Ruby shrieked.

Yang raised her eyebrow. "Sorry Weiss, but I don't think that word means what you think it means.

Weiss smirked and walked over and took a magazine, "It's exactly what I think it means."

"You see," Yang said somewhat condescendingly. "'Progress means that you're getting closer and closer to achieving a goal."

"Exactly," Weiss said firmly.

Ruby narrowed her eyes. "But so far, you've only said it when you're playing with your-"

Weiss clamped her hand over Ruby's mouth and hissed, "NOT IN PUBLIC, YOU DOLT."

The three walked over to pay for Weiss' dirty magazine to seem less suspicious. They saw a blue-haired boy standing behind the cash register.

"Hey, Neptune." Ruby greeted. "Wait...you work here too?"

"Yeah," Neptune shrugged. "The pay isn't too bad."

"Isn't this your third job?" Yang asked.

He sighed, "Yeah…"

"Wow!" Ruby beamed, "You have a triple life!"

Neptune leaned in, "Sh," and sent them a wink.

Neptune finished checking out the magazine and didn't question it, just raised his eyebrows. The three headed to the car and emptied their pockets and shirts of the items they just stole.

On the way home, Ruby wiggled in her seat and grunted as she pulled the box of gloves from beneath her skirt. She proudly smiled at the accomplishment and tried to hand them to Weiss. "Here ya go!"

Weiss grimaced in disgust, "GET THAT AWAY FROM ME!" She proceeded to smack Ruby's arm, causing the box to fly in the back seat at Yang.

The box landed on Yang's lap. She shrieked in horror, "I KNOW WHERE THESE HAVE BEEN!" She slapped them off her lap and the box landed on the floor.

Ruby gasped, "That's not sanitary! Pick those up!"

Yang and Weiss glared at Ruby and said in unison, "Are you fucking kidding me!?"

* * *

"Do you really not remember anything?" Jaune asked.

"No," Pyrrha sighed. "But I wish I did."

Both of them were sitting in the living room when they heard bickering outside.

"Oh god, is that who I think it is?" Pyrrha groaned.

Suddenly, Jaune's eyes lit up. "Hey! Maybe they know what happened!"

Without warning, Pyrrha shot up off of the couch and bolted out the door.

"HEY PEAR!" Jaune trailed after her. "Wait for me!"

* * *

Weiss, Ruby, and Yang walked down the hall to their penthouse arguing over Ruby's antics in the car.

"You've COMPLETELY soiled these gloves!" Weiss yelled.

"Whaaaaat," Ruby groaned. "They're still in the box!"

Weiss rolled her eyes. "THEY WERE UP YOUR-"

Suddenly, Pyrrha burst into the hallway, soon followed by Jaune. She had a wild look in her eyes.

Pyrrha shouted as she walked toward them. "YOU THREE!"

"What's up," Yang looked smugly at Jaune. "'_PEAR'_?"

"Shut up," Pyrrha said swiftly. "Quick, were Jaune and I acting weird after the bar yesterday?"

"Yeah, totally." Yang said. "Everything's kinda blurry for me, but you two were acting really strange."

"Really?" Pyrrha asked as Jaune stood by her side.

Weiss nodded, "Yeah, you two were all over each other."

"REALLY?" Jaune asked in disbelief.

"Dude, you were sucking her neck in the elevator!" Ruby said.

"OHHHHH MY GOD," Pyrrha shrieked with happiness. "It's a _dream come true!_"

Ruby, being the only one aware of the fourth wall, said. "Buh dun tss."

Jaune stood there with his head tilted slightly to the side, his right eye twitching, and his mouth wide open. "Wha...did...did we do it last night?"

Weiss pinched the bridge of her nose. "Are you kidding? We could hear the both of you romping around from across the hall!"

Pyrrha's knees began to waver and her face was as red as a cherry. "I...uh…I have to clean the litter box."

Jaune was even more confused. "But we don't have a cat!"

"I have to go clean it anyway!" She quickly dashed back into the apartment, leaving the four behind.

"WAIT, I want to pet your cat!" Yang yelled as she scrambled after Pyrrha.

Ruby smirked, "I think you mean pussy."

"Shut up, Ruby. Now's not the time for sex jokes," Weiss deadpanned.

* * *

Blake and Wesley are standing on the opposite ends of the aisle. Each holding a lightsaber, one representing the dark side and one representing the light. GUESS WHO HAS THE DARK SIDE?

Blake wielded her lightsaber into Wes' lightsaber. Heh, Wes' lightsaber...

Blake and Wes dramatically directed their lightsabers as each stood at separate ends of the vegetable aisle.

"You're going down...you fiend!" Blake shouted.

"Bring it on!" Wes yelled as he launched at his assailant and the two clashed sabers once more.

Blake smirked when she found an opening Wes revealed. She focused her swing on his torso which sent him flying into the aisle filled with carrots. When he landed, Wes choked on a carrot that was sticking out of his mouth.

Blake tried to stifle a laugh, "You..ugh...got something in there."

He made a sound as if he was deepthroating the carrot and he held a thumbs up. Wes coughed out the carrot.

"Aren't you into that kinda stuff?" Wes asked as he waved the carrot around enticingly.

Blake shrugged, "That's why I watched."

Just then, Wes felt the aisle tilt to the side. It went crashing down into the aisle next to it, and the next, and the next...

Before Blake and Wes knew it, the aisles collapsed in on themselves in a domino effect, spilling the contents of the shelves everywhere.

"Uh...oh…" Blake said.

Wes simply stared forward. He nonchalantly tossed his toy lightsaber to the side and began to whistle as he put his hands in his pockets and began walking away from the scene.

"Hey!" Blake tossed her own toy lightsaber to the side and ran after him. "Wait up!"

Wes and Blake made it out of the store and began sprinting toward the car. Behind them, there was a voice on the loudspeaker that said, "Cleanup on Aisle Four… Cleanup on Aisle Four!"

"But sir," a worker said and dramatically took off his glasses. "We don't have an aisle four."

*dramatic music*

The two made it in Wes' car without being stopped by any workers. The both of them were breathing heavily as the two laughed at their shenanigans. Wes happened to have his eyes resting on Blake's bow when he saw slight movement.

Blake noticed his suspicious expression and asked, "What?"

* * *

**Toto: "You know you're stumped when you have a conversation about walls." We may or may not have been a bit tipsy while writing this.**

**Mason: "can we do um...a break?" Okay, we WERE a little tipsy.**


	13. Chapter Thirteen: The Smash Bros Chapter

Chapter Thirteen: The Smash Bros. Chapter

"What?" Blake asked when she noticed Wesley staring at her bow.

_Did her bow just twitch? _Wes thought. _Eh… I was probably just imagining it._

"Nothing," Wes waved off.

"Okay," Blake said. "Some detective you are..."

"What?" He asked.

"You literally destroyed that grocery store and then walked away," the faunus explained. "What kind of a detective does that?"

"The kind that deepthroats a carrot." He simply replied.

Blake laughed. "I'll admit, that was fun."

"Well, that's what I was going for," he said. "So, I have a question to ask."

"Ask away, detective." Blake happily replied.

Wes pulled his piece of shit car into the parking lot to Blake's penthouse. "Can I meet your roommates?"

"Ugh," she stammered and tried to come up with an excuse as to why he couldn't come up to the penthouse. "Something is going around in this part of town. I think they are coming down with a cold."

Wesley waved her off as he stepped out of the car, "Eh, it'll be real quick."

"WAIT!" Blake shouted as she shot out of the car and ran ahead of him into the building. "I HAVE TO MAKE SURE THEY'RE NOT NAKED."

* * *

Blake rushed up the stairs and slammed the penthouse door open, eliciting an "eep!" from Ruby.

"GET YOUR FUCKING WIGS ON!"

The faunus knew the team had to have disguises, especially since Wesley is a detective. Such a situation was bound to arise at some point, so the team bought wigs in advance to avoid suspicion of being the Dusty Bandits.

RWY turned their heads to a clearly distressed Blake.

"Why?" Yang asked.

"_He's_ coming!" The faunus announced.

Ruby giggled. "Hehe, that's what she said."

Weiss glowered at Ruby. "Now's not the time."

Yang smiled, "You mean your boyfriend?!"

"Yes! The detective! So hurry up and get your wigs on!" Blake was about to shut the door, but before doing so, she stuck her head back in the room and glared at Weiss. "I'm going to kill you when he leaves."

Blake slammed the door and left a very confused Weiss. "Why?!"

The faunus abruptly turned to the stairs, only to see Wes making his way down the hall. "Hey! Were they fully clothed?"

"Yep! It's safe…" Blake mumbled as she led him to the door. "Okay, just a warning. They're a little...different." She put her hand on the knob.

"Trust me," Wes said with confidence. "I've seen weird. I bet I can handle it."

Blake took a deep breath, "We'll see," and turned the knob.

Wesley expected himself to be prepared for anything. The first thing he saw threw him off balance without trying. What seemed to be an albino chick with blue hair was trying to pull a cookie out of a purple-haired girl's mouth. The purple-haired girl tried to bite the albino girl in defiance, while the girl with brown hair was in the background cheering.

"FIGHT! FIGHT! FIGHT!"

"This is what I deal with," Blake muttered. She leaned into his ear. "Every...single...day."

The long brown-haired girl perked up when she saw the visitor. "Blake's boy toy is here!"

Blake stared daggers. "SHUT UP, YANG."

"Whaaaat," Yang whined. "I'm only kidding!"

Wesley and Blake walked into the penthouse. "She plays with me all the time."

Weiss gave up on trying to take Ruby's cookie away. "Yang, Ruby, would you please join me in the kitchen?"

"Why?" Ruby asked.

Weiss glared daggers at Yang. "To look for the missing peanut butter," she then glanced at Blake and to the couch. She meant to signal, "Stay here," without saying anything.

"You and your peanut butter," Yang mumbled as the three headed for the kitchen.

"YOU WERE THE ONE LOOKING FOR IT EARLIER!"

* * *

"So," Yang sighed as she crossed her arms. "What did you _really_ bring us in here for?"

"To call Sage and Neptune," Weiss said. "We need that detective out of here _now._ It's only a matter of time before he finds Alfred or some other evidence."

"Oh boy!" Ruby exclaimed, "Can I call them!?"

Before anyone could answer, Ruby snagged the phone out of Weiss' hand and dialed the number. She heard a certain blue-haired boy's voice.

"Yeah?"

"Hey, Neptune! How's life?!" Ruby asked eagerly.

Yang and Weiss glanced at each other in disbelief before Weiss spoke up. "We have a pressing situation here!"

"I know, I know," Ruby waved off. She then focused her attention back to the phone. "How's work?"

"Ummm, good," he replied. "You literally just saw me an hour ago."

"Oh yeah!" Ruby chirped. "Hey listen, you know how to jack cars, right?"

"Yeah, no problem." He coolly replied.

Weiss screamed in the phone, "WE NEED YOU. NOW!"

"I can't, I'm at work!" Neptune yelled back for the three to hear.

Weiss took the phone. "Listen. You can bag shit and groceries later. We need you to steal this guy's car!"

"Jeez," Neptune said. "Okay, I'll get Sage and we'll do it. But you better pay me for this!"

"That depends on how well you do," Weiss said before hanging up.

The three strolled back into the living room and formally introduced themselves. Ruby held out her hand and said, "Hi! I'm Ruby Regargle! It's nice to finally meet you."

WBY raised their eyebrows, apparently Ruby thought it'd be a great idea to use fake last names.

Wes returned the gesture "Hi, Ruby!"

Weiss turned and pointed to Yang. "This is Yang Gelb." Weiss knew that Yang couldn't be trusted with last names, so she made one up for Yang herself.

Yang slowly turned her her head to Weiss with a 'what the fuck' look on her face. She was about to speak up but Weiss once again interrupted her.

"I'm Weiss White," she said plainly, without holding out her hand.

Wesley raised an eyebrow as he made eye contact with Weiss. "Clearly."

"And what the hell is that supposed to mean?!" Weiss fumed.

Yang pat her back, "Relax, Salty."

"I. AM. NOT. SALTY!"

Ruby leaned over and licked Weiss' cheek, "Hm...you're right! You're sugary!"

"Blake was right, you guys are weird." Wes concluded.

"Blake! I'm hurt!" Yang said dramatically. "We aren't THAT weird!"

Just as Yang said that, she felt something slip. A peanut butter jar fell to the ground on her feet and Yang picked it up to inspect the item. "Huh, so that's where I put it."

"YOU IDIOT! FIRST THE RUBBER GLOVES AND NOW THIS?!"

"Why would you guys need rubber gloves?" Wes asked.

"Ruby likes to perform experiments," Weiss said quickly as an excuse.

"On...what?" Wesley asked.

Yang played along with it and leaned in Wes' ear. "You don't wanna know."

"It's nothing to concern yourself over," Weiss stated.

Ruby noticed Wesley eying the entertainment system against the wall of the living room. "Ever play Super Smash Brothers?"

He nodded. "I was the neighborhood champion when I was a kid!"

Ruby's eyes narrowed. "I bet I could destroy you."

"Oh, is that a challenge?" Wes asked.

"Hell yeah!" Yang said as she flopped on the couch beside Blake. "Sounds like a plan to me!"

Blake rolled her eyes playfully, fully aware of Ruby's tactics for winning. "You don't know what you're getting yourself into~"

"Trust me, I can take _all _of them on at once if I wanted to." Wesley claimed.

Ruby ran to the entertainment center and fired up the console. "Three against one!"

Wesley nodded hesitantly. "I haven't played in a while, but I can still beat all of you."

Ruby brought back the controllers and handed them to Wesley, Weiss, and Yang, while keeping one for herself.

"I don't want to play this…" Weiss whined.

"You can and you will!" Ruby threatened.

Soon, all four players found themselves at the character selection screen.

"I CALL KIRBY." Ruby bellowed.

"Pikachu, I CHOOSE YOU!" Yang said with gusto.

"Please," Wesley said. "Everyone knows Bowzer is the powerhouse."

"Ummmm…" Weiss hummed. "I guess I'll be Snake, even though he looks nothing like a snake…"

"Good reasoning as always…" Blake mumbled sarcastically as she sat down to watch the show.

Ruby selected the Final Destination stage for the three on one battle. She knew it would be easy taking one opponent down, so she selected the easiest environment to brawl in.

Just as the game was about to begin, Ruby turned to Wes and leaned forward so her face was millimeters from his.

"_I will break you,_" she hissed.

* * *

"What… the _fuck _is this?" Neptune stared at the trash in disappointment.

Neptune and Sage were standing beside the piece of junk car that Weiss and the others had ordered them to steal.

"Look at this sad piece of shit…" Sage said.

Neptune tried to stifle a laugh. "Oh god. I know this car. Some poor soul thought it was a collector's item."

Sage looked at Neptune in disgust. "Why would you sell this shit to someone?"

"Because the bastard didn't know what hit him," Neptune replied. "I wanted the money."

Sage sighed heavily. "Well let's steal this sorry ass thing already so Weiss pays us…"

* * *

"C'MON…" Wesley whined. "Rubyyyyy, let me back up!"

Ruby sucked Wes' character in one last time, and jumped off the stage. Her Kirby flew back on the stage safely while Bowzer fell into the abyss.

Wesley started to grow impatient. "You can't keep sucking me in and jumping off the stage!"

"That's how the game is won!" Ruby claimed.

Yang and Weiss glanced at each other when Weiss spoke up. "Why are we even playing?"

"Rubes, I think you got this." Yang said.

Suddenly, the air was filled with a strange, faint sound from outside of the building.

"What is that?" Weiss asked.

"Sounds like moose!" Yang chirped.

Ruby gave her sister a disapproving look. "We all know the plural form of moose...is meese."

Weiss and Blake rolled their eyes at Ruby's sincere statement.

"But really, it sounds like a cat is dying outside," the faunus said concernedly. "We should see if it's okay."

"Wait a minute…" Wesley came to a sudden realization. "THAT'S MY CAR!"

He jumped up from the couch and sprinted out the door. Blake soon followed him out into the hallway.

Weiss and Yang exchanged satisfied glances, while Ruby continued beating on Wes' uncontrolled character, with a demented grin on her face. Kirby kept pounding Bowzer uncontrollably with thousands of punches, before finishing him off with the swing of her hammer.

* * *

**Toto: That is how I used to play Super Smash Bros on wifi. Dick move, I know.**

**Mason: All's fair in love and Smash Bros.**


	14. Chapter Fourteen: Never Have I Ever

Chapter Fourteen: Never Have I Ever

"HOLD UP, YOU SLIMY BITCH WAFFLES!" Wesley yelled as he chased his car down the road.

Blake watched by the door as Wesley sprinted after the piece of shit on wheels. About halfway down the street, the car halted to an abrupt stop. Smoke billowed from the excuse for a car's hood as the two culprits sprinted away from the scene.

Wesley walked up to the car and stroked the chipped paint of the car. "YEAH, YOU BETTER RUN!"

He hopped in the car and kicked the dashboard several times, which caused the engine to roar with life, in other words, it sounded like a dying cat.

Blake walked up to the car and Wesley rolled down his window, causing a loud screeching sound to echo through the air.

"Are you just going to let those guys go?" She asked.

Wes shrugged his shoulders. "Eh, they had good taste if they wanted to steal this so badly. I'll give 'em a pass."

"Wow, how generous of you," Blake said in a deadpan monotone voice.

"But that blue-haired guy looked really familiar…" he mumbled.

"Are you leaving now?" Blake quickly asked, trying to change the subject.

"Yeah," he replied. "I've gotta get back to work or else Tess will have my ass."

Yang peeked over the window from the penthouse. "I BET SHE'D LIKE THAT!"

"SHUT UP, YANG!" Blake snapped back at her roommate. She then turned back to Wes and reassumed her sweet demeanor. "When will we see each other again?"

"Hopefully soon!" He said, "Do you have anything in mind?"

"How about Tuesday?" She asked.

Wesley thought for a moment if he had work. Things always came up sporadically, but everything seemed calm for the last few weeks. "Sure! I'll pick you up at 11:30!"

"See you later, lady killer. Can't wait to browse you," Blake replied as Wes drove off with a grin.

* * *

"It lives!"

Wes heard Tess' voice as he walked into the police precinct. "Yeah, I see you haven't changed since I last saw you."

"I never will," Tess winked. "How was the date?"

"Interesting," he said as he sat down at his desk. "Very interesting…"

"Like how?" She asked.

Wes tried to find the words to describe it. "At one point, her bow looked like it twitched, so that was a thing. And her roommates are really weird too…"

"_You_ found out something valuable?" Tess leaned back in her seat and suppressed a giggle. She walked up and pinched Wesley's cheeks. "Look at you, being a detective."

"Staaaaaap," Wes said as he swatted her hands away. "It is my job, you know."

Tess sniffled a bit. "You're all grown up."

Wesley ignored her teasing. "We should do a background check on all of them. I found out their last names," he said as he logged on to his computer.

Tess' eyebrows rose. "Were they sketchy last names?"

Wesley shrugged his shoulders as he typed in '_Ruby Regargle_ into the police database. "Okay, there's a Ruby Smith, Ruby Jones, and Ruby Rose...no Ruby Regargle."

"Her last name is _Regargle?_" Tess shook her head. "She must've had a difficult childhood."

"Huh," Wes hummed. "This Ruby Rose is wanted for cheating at a Super Smash Brothers tournament."

"That game is the shit," Tess said. "How do you even pull off cheating on a video game with people watching?"

"I don't know, but she did it!" Wes said. "Wait!"

"What?!"

"The Ruby I just met was a professional at Super Smash Bros…"

"Okay," Tess waved off. "Who doesn't play that game? Let's just keep looking up her other roommates."

Wes typed in the search bar, '_Weiss White_.' "Okay, there's only one Weiss that popped up."

"Is it the last name she gave you?" Tess asked as she hovered over the screen.

"No, she said it was Weiss White, not Weiss Schnee." Wesley leaned in the screen. "She's got a clean record…"

Tess scoffed at the sight of her. "She's whiter than a sheet of paper."

"White!" Wes snapped his fingers. "You're right! The girl I met was whiter than an albino! But she had different hair…"

Tess shrugged. "They could have been wearing wigs."

"It's a possibility," Wesley agreed and typed in '_Yang Gelb_' in the search bar. "There are no Yang Gelb's, but there's a Yang Xiao Long!"

"Anything on the record?"

"It says she obliterated a downtown bar. The report says she was trying to reenact a scene from Grand Theft Auto." Wes read.

"Does she look like the Yang you met?"

"Yeah," Wes nodded. "But she didn't have that hair, and she looks like she could pull of the last name 'Gelb.'

"How about you try looking up your 'baby cakes?'"

"You mean Blake?" he asked.

"Dur!" Tess exclaimed as she crossed her eyes. "Who else?"

"Jeez, no need for attitude, ." Wesley said as he searched '_Blake Belladonna_' in the bar.

"Nothing's here…" he muttered.

"What?"

"Literally _nothing _popped up," Wes pointed to the screen. "There's not a name or anything!"

Tess raised an eyebrow. "That can't be possibru!"

Wes looked back at Tess. "Apparently it is."

* * *

"Doesn't that seem like a good plan?" Blake asked the team.

"It does make you seem less suspicious, even if you have drawn unwanted attention to yourself." Weiss agreed.

"Just be prepared to distract him all day," Yang said. "He seems like a handful."

Ruby ate another cookie. "That's a smart idea! Wesley will never see the biggest heist in history coming!"

"Or Tess," Yang added.

"That Tess girl…" Weiss mumbled. "I wish we knew more about her so we know what we are dealing with. Wesley doesn't seem like much of a problem."

Blake gave Weiss a glare.

"What? That's good for our side," Weiss said. "I know you like him, but that's the best part of this situation."

"Listen, you-" Blake said before being interrupted.

"HOW ABOUT WE PLAY A GAME?!" Yang suggested, hoping to diffuse the situation

"OH! OH!" Ruby raised her hand. "HOW ABOUT: NEVER HAVE I EVER?"

Yang clapped her hands. "I'm in!" she grabbed the kitten and pulled her down on the carpet and the team sat in a circle in front of the TV.

"Oh! Oh!" Ruby yelled as she raised her hand. "Never have I ever...eaten macaroni salad naked!"

Blake gave Ruby a glare. "Who the hell would do that?"

Weiss slowly lowered one of her fingers.

"Oh…." Yang said as the three stared at Weiss.

"WHAT?!" she asked. "I was going through a phase!"

Yang thought of a new one. "Never have I ever masturbated with Oprah in the background."

Blake sheepishly lowered one of her fingers.

The group gave the faunus a confusing look.

"What?!" Blake asked. "She sympathizes with cats!"

Weiss rolled her eyes and said the next line. "Never have I ever shoved a box of gloves up my…"

Before Weiss could even finish her sentence, Ruby's finger shot down. "I KNOW WHERE YOU'RE GOING WITH THAT!"

"Okay…" Yang said uneasily. "Now that that's settled...Never have I ever used one of Weiss' vibrators."

Yang, Weiss, and Blake lowered another finger.

Ruby wrinkled her nose in disgust. "Ewwwwww! That was all of you?!"

"What?" Yang asked. "Do you expect me to use my fingers?"

Weiss held up her hand. "TMI."

Blake tilted her head. "You're not mad?"

Weiss smirked. "I never wash them."

"EEEEWWW!" Everyone said in unison.

Yang lowered her head and mumbled. "Never doing that again…"

"Never have I ever had a crush on a cute detective." Weiss said.

All heads in the room turned to Blake, who hesitantly lowered her next finger. "That's cheating!"

Weiss smirked. "That's how the game is won."

"HEY!" Ruby shouted at Weiss. "THAT'S MY LINE!"

"That's why I took it, dunce!" Weiss chided.

"Oh crap, guys." Yang stared at the clock. "It's time."

"Time to steal from King Asshole!" Ruby pumped her fist in the air. "Ready, team?!"

RWBY pumped their fists in the air. "YEAH!"

* * *

**Toto: "And let's sprinkle a lil white rose nyah…."**

**MAK: Weiss doesn't wash her vibrators? That's NASSSSTYYYY**


	15. Chapter Fifteen: Mahogany, Shmahogany

Chapter Fifteen: Mahogany, Shmahogany

"Don't you DARE drop me, Arizona!" Weiss yelped.

Yang loosened her grip on the rope. "What, Iceland?" she teasingly asked. "I can't hear you!"

"I SAID YOU BETTER NOT DROP ME, YANG!"

"SHHHH!" Ruby hissed. "CODE NAMES ONLY!"

"Shut up, Ruby!" Weiss yelped. "Tell that brute to quit it!"

"QUIET!" Blake said. "WE'RE SUPPOSED TO BE SNEAKY! SHUT UP!"

"Are you ready?" Yang asked.

"YES!" Weiss shrieked as she lowered her snow leopard mask over her face. "Let's get this over with! We're wasting time!"

Yang began to slowly lower the rope into the skylight with Weiss attached to the other end.

"Why is she so heavy?" the blonde whispered to RBY.

"I'm telling you," Ruby said. "It's all in her butt."

"I CAN HEAR YOU!" Weiss shouted.

Yang continued to lower Weiss into the building while she tried not to giggle.

Weiss took out her can of hairspray and sprayed the floor carefully. Nothing appeared, which was strange since she was expecting thousands of red beams.

"Is everything okay down there?" Ruby shouted.

Weiss carefully pulled out a pair of rubber gloves and slipped her hands into them. "Other than the fact that I'm wearing your vaginal gloves, it's going great!"

"You don't wash your vibrators!" Ruby snapped back. "So don't you dare complain!"

"Iceland," Blake called. "Is everything going according to plan?"

"Yes," she kept scanning the ground, confused. "Although there are no lasers…"

Yang stared at Weiss' freefall position in awe. "SUPERMAN!"

"Wow, thanks," Weiss blanched. "If we fall into any lasers in this place they will send a robotic armada after us!"

"I don't know about you," Ruby chimed. "But I can run from an armada if I had to."

"ARE YOU GOING TO LEAVE US?!" Weiss shouted.

Ruby smirked. "If I have to…"

Weiss glared at the Ruby, who was still at the top of the skylight. "I have all your cookies. You will never see them again."

"Okay," Ruby said. "I'll just leave Yang and Blake."

Weiss annoyingly glared up at the skylight where her teammate's were. "CAN WE FOCUS PLEASE?!"

"Holy shit!" Yang was in disbelief. "Weiss just said 'please!'"

Weiss was now dangling above an elaborately carved wooden desk. She descended into the large and extravagant office with rows and rows of books on shelves which ran along the outer walls of the office. Yang lowered Weiss until she hovered just over the desktop computer that sat on the mahogany desk.

Weiss touched the ground and began to hack the computer.

"Code 104," Ruby pretended to speak into a radio. "We have touched-down."

Yang soon joined the Ice Queen and sat on the desk, making herself at home.

Weiss gave the blonde a glare. "What are you doing?"

"I'm sitting on King Asshole's desk." Yang leisurely leaned back. "Why?"

"Do you know…" Weiss pointed to the shiny surface of the desk and lowered her tone menacingly. "What that is?"

Yang gave Weiss a confused look. "Wood?"

"IT'S MAHOGANY YOU UNCULTURED SWINE!"

"Eh, mahogany shmahogany," Yang passively waved her hand. "That's for rich assholes"

"I'm not a rich asshole."

"Yes you are," Yang crossed her legs. "You're rich, but you're my asshole."

Weiss finished pressing the last buttons on the computer to hack the system and briefly glanced up at the smiling blonde. "Great," she deadpanned. "That makes me feel soooo much better."

"I'm glad," the blonde smirked and saw Weiss reach down one of the drawers. "What're you doing?"

Weiss picked open a locked drawer in the desk using a bobby pin that never touched her hair. "I know where that smug bastard keeps his spare change." she pulled out stacks of money and slammed them on the desk.

Yang was wide-eyed. "You call _that_ change?"

"It _is _change."

"HEY ICELAND! ARIZONA! WHAT'S TAKING SO LONG DOWN THERE!?" Ruby yelled.

Weiss and Yang glanced up when Yang answered. "We WOULD be finished by now, but Iceland is too busy bitching about monogamy or something."

"IT'S MAHOGANY!"

Blake tilted her head. "You sound like that chick from the Hunger Games."

"Whatever," Weiss replied. "Everything clear?"

"Yep!" Ruby saluted. "No one is coming!"

Weiss finally finished hacking the computer and shoved the lien in her bag. "Alright, time to get out of here."

"Guys!" Ruby yelled. "Something's coming!"

"What?!" Yang surveyed their surroundings. "Where?!"

Blake squinted in the distance. "Is it a bird? A plane?"

"Nope," Ruby said rather calmly. "It's a robot thing."

Weiss' face turned even paler than she normally was. "Oh shit."

"What?" Ruby asked innocently.

"IT'S THE ARMADA!"

"AN….ARMADA?" Ruby stammered. She started to run to the escape ladder on the side of the roof.

"OH NO YOU DON'T!" Blake grabbed Ruby by the cape as she tried to escape and dragged her down into the magnificent office.

"Shit…" Blake muttered as she and the others braced themselves for the oncoming robotic forces.

Yang smirked. "It's okay guys, there's just five of them." she couldn't wait as the armada advanced towards them, so punched her two fists together and charged at the enemy.

"ARIZONA!" Weiss yelled. "WE NEED A PLAN!"

Yang threw her fist back and rocketed a punch directly at one of the atlesian's legs.

"WE HAVE A PLAN," Yang shouted. "FUCK 'EM UP!"

Bake shrugged and followed her teammate, sliding underneath the Paladin's legs and emerging on behind the giant robot. She attached one end of Gambol Shroud's ribbons to the Paladin's leg and exchanged glances with Ruby.

Ruby grabbed the other end of Gambol Shroud and ran circles around the atlesian Paladin, entangling its legs in the ribbon.

Unable to move, the giant robot helplessly fell onto its back. It tried to climb back to its feet in an attempt to defend itself.

Weiss took that as her chance to jump on top of the robot's head. Once it tried to get up, the girl made sure to impale Myrtenaster through the head, pinning it down.

Yang took that as her cue to rush in and jump as high as she could. In mid-air, she threw back her arm as she neared the atlesian's midsection. Her fist collided with the section and ran all the way through its body, completely deactivating it.

Ruby saw another robot advancing quickly and reacted quickly. She grabbed crescent rose and unsheathed it. "Ice Flower!".

"WHAT DOES THAT MEAN?" Weiss shouted back at Ruby.

"I DON'T KNOW I THOUGHT IT SOUNDED COOL!" Ruby yelled at her teammate.

Weiss rolled her eyes. "You are such a dunce!"

Blake and Yang started to take down the robot next to the one the white rose pair was working on.

Ruby began shooting rounds at the robot, but it advanced further regardless, readying its massive arm mounted a shotgun. Weiss stepped in and pulled out Myrtenaster. She aimed it at the atlesian's legs and froze them to the ground. While it was frozen, the robot shot its shotgun directly at Ruby's shoulder.

Blake stopped what she was doing and swooped in just on time to whisk Ruby away from the line of fire. Once Weiss realized her partner was okay, she shot out several icicles beneath the robot, sending it flying. Once it landed, Yang nodded in satisfaction at her handiwork from killing another mecha, and began working over the atlesian that was troubling the others. She hauled ass and and ran in with her fist cocked back, ready to punch the middle and rip out the wires concealed within.

"They only die if you tear out their insides!" Blake warned her team.

"That sounds like some major Incredibles shit right there!" Ruby winked.

"WHERE'S MY SUPERSUIT, WOMAN?" Yang said in an exaggerated black voice and gave a thumbs up when she successfully deactivated the robot.

"I AM YOUR WIFE, I AM THE GREATEST GOOOOOOD YOU'RE EVER GONNA GET!" Blake yelled back as she dodged another atlesian's swing.

"WOULD YOU GUYS SHUT UP!? I SWEAR I WILL NEVER UNDERSTAND YOUR REFERENCES!" Weiss shouted as she aimed her weapon at one of the last atlesians.

Ruby gasped and rolled out of the way of the robot's shotgun range. "YOU HAVEN'T LIVED!"

Yang separated from the group and tried killing another atlesian. "WHO'S READY FOR THE INCREDIBLES TWO?!"

"WE HAVE ALL BEEN SINCE WE WERE BABIES, DAMMIT!" Blake yelled back and followed the blonde once more to defeat another mecha.

RWBY stood in front of the two mechas before anyone made sudden movements in a stalemate. Weiss checked the convenient clock on the wall and noticed it was time…

"GUYS!" Weiss yelled. "Time's running out!" she dodged an atlesian's laser.

Ruby gasped. "For what?!"

"What's up your butt now?" Yang asked while she dodged a swing from the robot's leg.

"The van's a rental, remember!?" Weiss shrieked and ran behind one of the atlesians. "If we don't have it back by 4:00 AM, there's a 2000 lien fine!"

"She's right!" Yang gasped and shot Ember Celica to get closer to the wall with a plan in mind. "It was a six hour rental!"

Blake rolled her eyes. "We can afford that!"

"We have to look like we're good citizens!" Weiss reminded. "We can't afford to have people think we're suspicious."

"Then what do we do?!" Ruby asked in exasperation. "We kind of have a problem!" she pointed her scythe to the robots.

Weiss smirked and saw Yang was ahead of the game. "Arizona! Catch!" Weiss pulled out a dust crystal and threw it to her teammate.

Yang caught the object and set it down carefully next to a crevice in the marble patterned wall. The blonde jumped back quickly. "CAROLINA!"

Ruby stopped shooting bullets at one of the atlesians as Blake covered her to distract the robot. Ruby took that as her chance to aim her sniper rifle at the dust crystal and fired.

The explosion rocked the entire building. It was as if an earthquake decided to just shake the Schnee company. The establishment rocked as bits and pieces shattered off the wall in a fiery fury.

Team RWBY didn't wait until the flames died down and bolted out of the wall that was damaged beyond repair.

The four jumped in the sketchy van with Blake taking the wheel. She accelerated to lightning speeds as she zoomed out of the parking lot and to the public road.

Once the team thought they were in the clear, they sighed in relief.

"Well that was one hell of a heist," Yang chimed, breaking the silence.

"That was kind of awesome!" Ruby cheered. "Those robots are wayyyy more entertaining than human guards!"

"Everything went according to plan," Weiss smirked. "Except when YOU dropped me!" she glared accusingly at Yang.

"I wouldn't have if your ass wasn't so big!" Yang shouted.

"Can you guys shut up?!" Blake yelled. "I'm trying to drive without looking suspicious!"

"A pedophile van out and about at 3:50 AM?" Weiss asked with sarcasm evident. "That's not sketchy at all."

Ruby threw her hands up. "Of course it is!"

"I was being facetious."

Ruby gasped. "If you were hungry why didn't you say so!?"

Blake dismissed her friend's ignorance and focused on her rearview mirror and saw two figures in the distance. "Guys. Incoming."

The shift of tone in Blake's voice alerted her team to ready themselves.

Yang turned around to glance out the rear window. "Are those…"

Weiss jumped in the back to get a closer look. "It's the armada!"

"What?!" Ruby yelled.

The four looked back and saw the mechas running after the van. In an instant, the robots folded into themselves, transforming into high powered sports cars, charging down the road like a lion charging after for its prey.

"Are they part of the plan?" Blake asked as she floored it.

Ruby munched another cookie. "NOPE!"

Weiss scowled. "Well that's a new feature…"


	16. Cancelled

Hello everyone, this is mak133 here. I just wanted to let you know that all stories here on the TotoMAK account have been cancelled as of right now. However, I can confidently say that both Honor Among Thieves and A Series of Unfortunate Events will most likely survive on my own personal account, mak133.


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